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fieldofdaisiies · 1 year ago

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Ars Amatoria | ch. IV

Elucien AU word count: 2,8k words warnings: none

masterlist

The door to the art studio opens with a loud pang that probably can even be heard in the city center of Florence as it comes in contact with the wall.

“Can you believe it?” In strolls no other than Lucien Vanserra. And Jurian is furious, rising from his chair like a demon from hell. The bright green line straight through the face of his Artemis irreversible and he will punch Lucien in the gut for it. At least five times. Jurian tosses his brush away and steps around the big easel, fire blazing in his veins as he stalks towards Lucien, glowering like he is about to commit a murder — well, he might do so if Lucien’s reasons for bursting in here are not something majorly important.

“Can I believe what?” Jurian growls and throws his in paint covered hands up in despair, giving Lucien an incredulous look. His intense glare should be akin to hurling daggers at his best friend, hoping Lucien gets the memo. But the Vanserra man is oblivious to the damage his grand entrance has created. With his arms outstretched, Lucien gazes at his best friend, his eyes wide open, disbelief etched into every fiber of his expression.

“I have to wed!” he exclaims and now throws his hands into the air, frantically waving them around to make his point of utter disbelief and outrage clear. “Eris, the amazing brother and little asshole he is, is forcing me to marry.”

Jurian clicks his tongue, his former anger not yet gone, but at least this was an alright reason for Lucien bursting in here like a berserk, he has to give his best friend that. The artist exhales a loud breath. “Why do you have to marry?” he asks a little dumbfounded.

“Because of the issue with the Hybern bank…” Lucien is bathing in his pity and dramatically lets himself slump against the wall behind him. “I have to marry! Do you even know what that means?” “No more sleeping around?” Jurian cocks his brow, a small, lop-sided grin on his face.

“Amongst other things, yes. But that is not the most important part, never would be. I am losing my freedom, Jurian. You understand that?”

“Just because you have a wife it doesn’t mean you will no longer be free…” Jurian huffs and shakes head at his best friend. He can only partly understand why Lucien is boiling with indignation.

“I know,” Lucien grumbles, both of them still standing at the door. Lucien throws his head back and exhales loudly, then shakes his head and folds his hands behind his back. “I don’t want to destroy her life either. She was probably forced into this just like me. And she probably hasn't had much freedom in her life so far. I can’t do that to her.” “It is not your fault, Lucien. And you are not doing anything to her.”

“I do, by not giving her what she deserves. By not being a good husband. By being a husband who has slept with half of Florence. I am not a good man, Jurian, and you know this.”

“So this is what really bothers you?” Jurian summarises, his voice tinged with empathy. “That you won’t be a good husband to her?”

“The whole thing bothers me. I don’t want to get married for the sake of rescuing our family bank and I don't want to ruin her life either.” Lucien groans loudly as he places his head against the wall and closes his eyes, sadness passing over his face.

“I feel like I am getting used just so Eris can keep the bank alive.” Jurian nods a little, not really sure of what to say. Of course, this is Eris’ main reason for doing it, but Jurian also knows that Eris just wants his brother to live his life right. Jurian is also a friend to the older Vanserra brother and they have often talked about this — Lucien not being the same after having lost Jesminda to Tubercolisis. And even more, after their father died and all the weight of the bank and the family was on Eris and Lucien’s shoulders. It is a lot for Lucien to handle and Eris is worried he might stray from the right path in life.

“I am sure Eris has his reasons for it,” Jurian contemplates. Lucien peeks one eye open and gives his best friend a one-eyed dead pan. Then he throws up his hands and says, “Yes, power and fortune.” With that he pushes off the wall and strolls past Jurian into the middle of the art studio. “Now, let me see what you are up to. Any nice new paintings that could distract me?”

Jurian chuckles and follows his friend. “Don’t get your hopes up too high. I haven’t painted half-naked women in a long time.”

Lucien throws him a glare over his shoulder and then shrugs his shoulders, chuckling a little bit. “I am nearly a married man now, I should anyways not look at random naked woman.” With that he turns and disappears behind a huge easel. His footsteps hollow in the open room as Lucien walks through the huge and dim art studio. The windows are on the other side of the room where Jurian draws and paints, on the side where the magnificent paintings are stored there is not that much light. Lucien walks up to a painting of the Cattedrale metropolitana di Santa Maria del Fiore, his index finger absently brushing over a table with sketches and painting utensils scattered across it. He picks up a single brush and starts to fidget with it, spinning it between his fingers as he looks into a shelve with objects for still life paintings. It is not really exciting, but Lucien accepts every sort of distraction he can get at the moment. He does want to think about the marriage, or what it will mean to be married. He does not want to think about how he can be a good husband. He just…does not want to think at all. Lucien lets his gaze, that has now adapted to the dim light, wander over the paintings leaning against the wall until one painting of a very exposed man that is placed on an easel catches his eye.

“You paint Ardinghelli?” Lucien raises a brow in irritation. Jurian looks past the shelf filled with paints, right at the picture Lucien is currently staring at.

“Well, have you seen you this man?” Jurian exclaims loudly and flings one arm into the air, gesturing around. “He is a masterpiece. Stunning, cruel beauty, this man. He is the best Ares. I mean, have you seen him?”

I have, unfortunately, Lucien thinks as memories of his brother’s half-naked lover, slipping out of their family home at four in the morning fill his brain. But he only shakes his head a little in answer, chuckling amusedly. He knows that he can never, ever talk about his brother’s secret lover out loud. He would never do this to his brother. But apparently Azriel Ardinghelli did not only manage to wrap his brother around his finger, but also his best friend…how amazing.

Lucien looks away then, slides his hands into the pockets of his pants and lets his gaze stray. There is a large painting and Lucien can once again make out Azriel’s features. How often does it want to paint him?

“Why don’t you ever paint me?” the man with the fiery red hair teases, and glances over his shoulder at Jurian who sits down on his stool and only rolls his eyes at his best friend. “I already painted you,” Jurian retorts, not paying the silly request of his best friend any more attention.

“Never in such a position, or with so little clothing on!” Lucien raises his brows, flashing his best friend a reprimanding look. “And now I am questioning you what the reason for it is? Huh?”

“Because you are my best friend and that would make things weird between us.”

Lucien shrugs then, having to give his best friend that. He furrows his brows, strolling towards the the large and unfinished painting of Azriel to catch a look at the smaller canvas in front of it.

“And I also only need Mars for my painting. They are the best selling couple at the moment. And well, you are not Mars.”

Lucien chuckles a little, absently, as something has caught his eye. Bending at the waist, he lowers himself, his eyes catching sight of beauty he has never seen before.

“And where…” Lucien is distracted, his focus solely on the woman’s doe eyes, her lush lips, the lovely rosy cheeks. His breath catches in his throat. “Where is your Venus then, Messer Botticelli?” Lucien breathes and crouches down. He is still looking at the picture, his lips parting a little as he reaches his hands forward.

“Well…” Jurian mumbles and Lucien can hear how he gets up from the chair, but he does not deign him a look, too focused on the breathtaking painting in front of him. He brushes his fingers over the canvas and feels how something in his chest sparkles a little.

"Stunning." Lucien trails his index finger over the painting once again. "Who is that?" Jurian places his brush in a holder, wipes the back of his hand over his cheek and steps in line with Lucien. He grins, his eyes sparkling almost mischievously. “Well…that is your future wife, my friend.” Jurian pats his friend’s shoulder, looking at him with a bright smile on his face. “Your future wife and my Venus to my Mars.”

Lucien’s mouth gapes, his going so wide, his eyeballs nearly fall out of their sockest. This…he has truly not expected. And moreover, what should he do with this information now? Yes, she is beautiful, breathtaking, but her beauty will change absolutely nothing about the fact that this marriage is arranged, is forced, and Lucien would rather dive into the Arno river in the middle of winter than marrying her. He does not want to marry and her beauty changes absolutely nothing about it. It only makes things more complicated. But not everything is about beauty, beauty is not what matters most. Lucien’s back goes rigid as he straightens up and gets up. He turns to look into Jurian’s eyes. “Why are you panting my future wife half-naked?” He raises a brow.

Jurian only laughs and shakes his head a little. “Are you already getting territorial over her? I thought you didn’t want to marry her? And she wears more than every other women I have painted before, that is not even close to half-naked, my friend.”

“I don’t get territorial!” Lucien fires back, his jaw clenched and his forehead lying in furrows. “And I don’t want to marry her. I don't want to marry anyone. It is not specifically about her.” “I think you should give her a chance. She is a wonderful female. I met her on my last visit to Venice and asked to be allowed to paint her. She agreed, but was terribly shy and reserved at first, thinking she is not beautiful enough.” Jurian smiles at the memory and even though Lucien tells himself that he shouldn’t care he still finds himself asking, “It was just painting right? You only painted her?”

Sincerity is etched into the artist’s features as he bows his head. “Of course. I don’t take advantage of my artist’s role. I just painted her.”

Lucien desperately wants to say good, but he also does not want Jurian to think that he actually cares…because he does not. Of course not! He does not want to marry Elain, he does not want to be bound to her forever, he does not— “Give her a chance, Lucien.” Jurian's voice is tinged with kindness and sympathy as she gives him a long look and reaches out his hand, squeezing his shoulder. The Vanserra brother shrugs and almost sighs dramatically. “Do I have another choice?”

“With giving her a chance, I mean that you treat her nicely, that you don’t act like a big dick.”

Almost shocked, Lucien folds a hand over is chest. He shakes his head and then has to laugh. “When did I ever behave like a big dick?” Jurian does not feel like laughing, he wants Lucien to see the sincerity of this situation. Jurian has met Elain and he knows that she deserves a good man at her side. Lucien could be that man, he knows this, but he has to finally become more responsible and the man he was born to be. He has to let the past be the past and look at the future. He has to give Elain a chance, to let her in and open his heart to her so he can find the happiness that he deserves just as much as Elain does.

“On a few occasions, but I won't name them all. I am just telling you, to not mess it up with her.”

Lucien nods. He won’t, or at least he will try his best to not make her life any worse with him being in it. She does not deserve this marriage, just as much as he does not. The best thing he can do is to make it acceptable for her. He knows he will never be a good husband to her, or at least not how she probably expects a husband to be. Lucien was not born to be a husband, he was born to be free and adventurous and not bound to one place or one woman. But at least he can try to make it feel somehow alright for her.

The artist feels like there is need for a change in subject, that Lucien would maybe like a little distraction and talk about something else.

“So how bad is the situation with the bank really?” Jurian asks with sympathy lacing his voice. Not the best subject for a change, as it is also rather gloomy, but at least it is something else. He knows that the whole issue with the two rival banks does not only weigh heavy on Eris but also on Lucien's shoulders. Lucien cares a lot about the bank and about his family, even though he won’t admit that out loud. And it is true. Many nights Lucien has stayed awake until the early morning hours, pondering how he could help his brother, what he could do for the bank. But being a second-born son is never easy. You are always second, always the second choice and although he knows his brother loves him, that he cares about him, whenever Lucien made a suggestion Eris would always first of all ask one of his advisors if they think it is a good idea, if they would go that way, and so and so on. He never just said yes to one of Lucien’s ideas and the youngest Vanserra brother started to grow tired of that, and somehow developed this outward indifference for the bank. This indifference that is not true and that is actually not him.

“Bad, I think,” Lucien answers. “We think they are evading taxes, but we have no proof.” Jurian groans and shakes his head. “That’s awful,” he says and slumps back down onto his stool. “So for now there is nothing you can do?”

Lucien brushes his hand over his head, frees his hair of the leather strap that held them in place, ruffles through his hair and ties the leather strap around his hair again. “No, there is nothing we can do, other than keeping our eyes open and making sure Eris becomes Gonfaloniere of Florence.”

Surprise fills Jurian’s face, not the sort of surprise that he has not expected this decision, but rather the one that fills him with happiness. It is a great idea and Eris would be perfect for that role. “So, he is truly running for this position. That’s wonderful!”

Lucien inclines his head, his lips pressed in a thin line. “Very wonderful,” he mumbles and then glances towards the window above Jurian’s head. “I also need to leave again, Signoria meeting is about to start and I will never hear the end of it if I am late again.”

Jurian chuckles a little and tells his friend good bye and most importantly, good luck for the following days and the meeting of the Signoria. Lucien thanks him for it and adds, “And thank you for letting me vent. It was really good to get it all of my chest.”

Jurian smiles as he holds the door open for Lucien. “Nothing to thank me for. I am always here. Whenever you need me.”

~~~~~~~~~~ taglist AA: @octobers-veryown @velidewrites @areyoudreaminof @acourtofthought @liftyourhipsformelovex @hallway5 @stickyelectrons @honeysuckle-daydreams13 @bibliophiliaxvignette @thelovelymadone @sunshinebingo @arabellatheauthor @autumndreaming7 @nestas-workwife @rarephloxes @tuzna-pesma-snovageneral el. taglist: @rippahwrites @shadowhunter2003 @my-inner-crisis @ladyelain @acourtofthought @itwasalwaysaboutthetea @multifictional @moonlightazriel @aayo-whatt @brekkershadowsinger @sunshinebingo @gracie-rosee

for @elucienweekofficial 💛

#elucien #elain x lucien #elucienweek2023

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sirthisisa-wendys · 4 years ago

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The Emperor: Toji Fushiguro x Fem!Reader

synopsis: Being a servant of the Emperor is a unique position that requires multiple positions.

wc: 1.7k

tw: NSFW

masterlist

As you stare at the pink moon hanging low in the sky, you try to remember every single moment that brought you here to the Imperial Palace.

Studious.

You had been a girl who sought to put her head in books instead of learning how to be a wife. There had been five of you in your little group of young girls who sought to improve their minds instead of improving their station by marriage.

And the girls who sought to marry well were not wrong for doing so. Neither were you wrong for wanting to improve your mind with the other men, with who you would never be caught dead socializing. As far as everyone knew, you would not subject yourself to the torture of being affiliated with dalliances. No, you didn't have time for that.

But...

Then you had been snatched from the halls of the library and drug back to your home, the hands of the Imperial soldiers carrying you past your mother and father, who chased after you - horrified and tearful.

At first, you thought you had committed some unfathomable crime and would be punished by the Emperor himself. All signs pointed to you being a criminal due to how the soldiers threw you into a dingy and cramped carriage, one that was not fit for even a lowly citizen to ride in. But when you arrived at the Palace less than an hour later, you stepped into an uncertain future.

With tall walls covered in flowers you didn't know the names of - yet - and fountains in a courtyard made of azure tile, you were sure that you had been deposited in a place too grand for a criminal. There was no way the men who dropped you from the carriage and into the garden were going to kill you. And after a man with long, blonde hair and a bored look approached your stunned figure in the midst of all of the beauty, he held out a hand, called you by your name, and told you he would be your attendant.

But despite the fantastic set of arrangements, the reason why you were now in the palace of Emperor Fushiguro set in before anyone told you.

"Concubine." The word floated around your town when the Emperor's wife died several years ago, but to your knowledge, there had been many women picked for His Holiness's pleasure after that. You'd be the first in over six years, as far as anyone was aware.

And you were.

You are.

You're reminded of this when there's a knock on your door, startling you out of your reverie and bringing you back to the present.

"You may enter," you whisper, pulling the pins out of your hair. Emperor Fushiguro likes your hair down. The large man enters the shadowy room silently, his robes swishing about as he approaches. You stand from your bed and exhale softly, eyeing the green-eyed royal as his feet step to your own.

"How have you been since I last saw you?" he wonders, tilting your chin up with his index finger. "Are you sleeping well?"

"I'm fine, your Holiness," you reply, touching his hand tenderly. "I am well. How are you feeling?" Toji looks at the moon outside, the scar on his lips twitching up slightly.

"I am exhausted," he admits, shoulders slumping.

"Tell me about your day," you encourage him, motioning to the bed. "I am here to listen." And Toji begins regaling his day to you as you rake your fingers through his hair and hum at the appropriate times, letting him be heard in the dim light of your bedroom. When he finishes (usually him just trailing off and staring at the ceiling), you press a kiss to his forehead.

"I will go to the temple in the morning and pray for a resolution to your issues, your Holiness." Toji reaches a hand up to caress your bottom lip, looking into your eyes.

"You are the only concubine who has extended such kindness to me," he breathes. You know this is not true and that's he's just buttering you up for what comes next. Though, you're not sure why.

Because every time you lay underneath him, beside him, on top of him, however he desires to have you that night... you enjoy it. You genuinely enjoy it.

And as Toji disrobes you carefully, fingers raking across your skin like the breath of the wind, you tangle yourself around him, holding his face in your hands, holding him close, holding him for as long as you can, which he adores.

Tonight, you hold him against you as he kisses your lips, your fingers tugging his short black hair as your body squirms underneath his massive frame.

"Eager," he hums against your skin, and you moan as two fingers dip into your core, playing with your slick while the other grabs your breast. Whether it's his practice with the other concubines or his deceased wife, you don't know. But it seems that Toji can play you to his liking, drawing sounds out of you like a skilled harpist. And every night he'd come to visit you, it would be the same way - he'd make a small symphony, then leave when the sun came up to return to running the country.

Toji reminds you of his skill as he rubs your clit repeatedly, lips latching onto your nipple and toying with it before moving to the other.

"Your Holiness," you exhale, but the Emperor whispers,

"Please. Call me Toji while I am with you, y/n." You nod as he kisses down your stomach and lifts your legs over his broad shoulders, hands roaming over your thighs as he spreads them apart. When his cool tongue sinks into your cunt, you stiffen, grasping one of his hands for leverage.

"Toji..." you moan, but he doesn't answer you as his tongue flicks back and forth, preparing you and tasting you at the same time. His eyes flick up to watch your face, which makes your toes curl. Just like he knew they would.

As he toys with you, you can hear his soft grunts of pleasure, feel the kisses, touch his soft hair as his head moves around, and watch him devour you earnestly. All of your senses light up at once, bringing you to a climax you didn't expect when his hands tug your nipples until you're overstimulated and shaking underneath his mouth.

"Oh, gods," you cry out, and Toji hums, speeding up his movements. "I'm going to cum," you pant in response, but he doesn't let up, tipping you over the edge with his ministrations and making your body quiver violently.

You only stop shaking when you feel his cockhead at your entrance, and you wonder how long you'd been trembling as he shirked off his clothes.

"Oh!"

Toji slides into you easily, his girth the only one you'd ever felt in your entire life. When he bottoms out inside of you, he moans, then leans down to capture your lips in his.

"Slow, slow..." you whisper, pressing your hands against his shoulders.

"I know... Shh, shh, shh..." he replies, kissing down your neck and removing your hands tenderly. "I know you like my own mind, my little nightingale." You exhale slowly, legs still shaking as he pumps into you carefully. "You're the only one that sings for me like you do." Another kiss is pressed to your lips. "The only one that attends to me like you do." And another. "The only one I can trust."

His words sink to the pit of your stomach, and you feel some sort of emotion welling up inside of you. But it's quickly pushed down when Toji's teeth sink into the fleshy part of your ear. You jerk a little, clenching around him, and he hisses before chuckling. "Works every time."

And you love it, every single moment of this. Toji speeds up his strokes, making you moan and pant in time with him.

"You're the only one that really enjoys this," he breathes, sweat dripping down from his forehead. You look into his eyes and nod, biting your bottom lip. "I even took your maidenhood and you never resented me for it."

"Never," you agree, nodding again before shuddering. "Toji, just like that! Please..." Toji obeys, silencing himself as he pumps into you even faster, almost reaching his climax with you, hips stuttering and jerking as your walls clench around him rhythmically. Toji groans loudly, his body heaving as he comes down from the short high and then rolls onto his back after pulling out of you.

"Come," he whispers hoarsely, tugging you close to his side and drawing the sheets around your bodies. He nestles his face into your hair and murmurs, "You are the only concubine I feel close to. Only because you love and cherish Princess Tsumiki, and you tend to my needs when you see me."

"It is my duty, is it not?"

"You could be resentful like the others."

"And they let you touch them?" Toji grunts once.

"I touch them, then I leave. It is unbearable at times, but... it's my duty to produce a male heir at some point." You look over your shoulder at him and smile.

"And you will have it."

"I'm hoping I will have it by you so that I can get rid of these other women." The implications of his words are so startling that you flinch in shock. "No?" Toji wonders, frowning as he touches your cheek.

"N-not no, but... Me? From concubine to consort? No other concubine will give you a son?"

"No other concubine can give me a son. That was why I picked them in the first place," he sighs, pulling you even closer. "But now... I am ready for another child. A son to take on the Imperial reign. Through you." He splays a hand across your belly, rubbing it tenderly before yawning loudly.

"Sleep well, your Ho- I mean, Toji." But he's already asleep, nose tucked into the crook of your neck and arms around your frame. Just like you like it.

Concubine to consort? You think to yourself in the moonlight. With an Imperial son?

A smile creeps its way across your face at the thought of being pregnant with Toji's child. Toji's son. To be the vessel of such a treasure... it would make your worth in his eyes that much more.

You fall asleep with that thought, and add "pray for a son" to your list of petitions to the gods.

_____________________________________________________________

TAGGING: @missbonekitty @wack0-genius @thankuary @r-i-m-f-009 @leanne-tamashi @rein-icu @brownskinnedgirll @savantsoulfinder @chilledlucifer @kontentious @flare-on @meena-in-a-nutshell @falling-through-pages @naoyasdarling @vabybizzle @fiona782 @debevv @suguruswaifu

#toji fushiguro x reader #jjk smut #toji smut #jjk toji #toji fushiguro #jujutsu kaisen toji #jujutsu kaisen

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jadedxrealityw · 4 years ago

Text

-Opening Up- Draco Malfoy x Female Reader.

♡~🐍~♡

Request: Hi could you do a draco x reader where she's his girlfriend who is afraid of commitment and takes time to open up to him? But gradually they work through it together and all that. Most fics are of draco being afraid to be vulnerable so I think this would be a pretty good change. No pressure if you don't want to do it. Thanks love :)

Kody- I’m t e r r i f i e d of commitment so this should be easy. Gonna add some extra extra for plot, but you already know. I will also be recreating the same fight i had with my actual S/O except for Draco doesn’t suck.

Warning: Uh commitment issues, possible cursing, child neglect, Draco being a sad boy.

House: Slytherin hiss hiss.

♡~🐍~♡

“Wait your dad refused to feed you?” your friend said in a hushed tone. You look around nodding slowly and wipe your remaining tears. Yeah your dad didn’t exactly like the fact that you were a witch. Called you a sinner and whatnot a refused to acknowledge your existence.

“It’s whatever” you shrug, used to the neglect by now. “Shouldn’t you like- Tell Draco? He is your boyfriend” they suggest. You shake your head quickly, fear bubbling in you. “No. Last time i told my significant other about my dad they used to to control me. You know that” you rush out.

Your friend sighs, leaning there head back. “So please don’t tell him” a pleading look was present in your eyes. “Draco isn’t like the last person. Sooner or later you have to open up to him.” you knew they were right, but it was just too hard for you to handle at the moment.

“please just let me handle it- what are you looking at?” “Isn’t that your boyfriend coming over?” your friend asked. Turning your head to the right you see the platinum blond boy indeed walking over to you, causing your heart to thump against your chest.

Your friend sends you a wink before turning on the heels of there feet and walking away. The sly Slytherin places his hand on the wall above your head, signature smirk plastered on his face. “Hey darling-” his face falls as he notices your puffy eyes “Have you been crying?”

shaking your head, you muster up a smile “Oh yeah sorry. I hit my foot on the edge of the door. Really hurt i guess” you blurt out. ‘wow, i’m getting better at excuses’ his grey eyes study your expression, seemingly trying to find anything that would raise suspicion. “Is your foot alright?

giving him a nod, you smile reassuringly. “Yeah it’s fine. Thank you for worrying though. You big softie” you push his shoulder lightly. He rolls his eyes, grabbing the hand that pushed you to interlock your fingers. A pink hue dusted your cheeks as he raises up to kiss your hand softly “Good”

“i have to head to charms, i’ll see you later Dray” you speak softly. He pouts for a moment before letting your hand go. “Okay, i’ll see you at lunch darling” he nods and presses a quick kiss to your lips before he watches you walk away from him, his smile falling. ‘Why are you lying to me Y/n?’

♡~🐍~♡

you take a seat next to Draco, placing your bag on the floor next to your feet. “Hey Y/n” Pansy says giving you a small smile which you return kindly. You watch as the food appears on the table. You grab a serving spoon and began to place food on your plate. “How was charms?” Draco asked suddenly.

you pick up your fork and shrug “Pretty normal. Except for Neville Longbottom making his chair levitate” you chuckle and Draco does as well as he begins to eat. As you were about to take a bite you feel someone tap lightly on your shoulder.

you turn around to meet the gaze of professor Mcgonagall. You smile politely and she does as well “Ms. L/n, can i speak with you for a just a moment?” she asked and you nodded slowly, feeling the eyes of your Slytherin friends boring holes into the back of your head.

she smiles and walks away from the table. Without looking at Draco, you stand up and follow her. She stops a few feet away from the table and pulls out a piece of paper. “Now, from what you told me about your situation with your father. Dumbledore is willing to have you stay at school until the end of your 7th year”

you raise a brow and cross your arms a bit uncomfortably. “what about my dad, won’t he like, come looking for me?” you say and the professor nods slowly “You want nothing to do with him, correct and have no other family?” she asked, repeating what you had told her in a previous conversation.

you nod and she smiles lightly “We’ll simply send someone to obliviate his memories of you. No one should have to go through what you do.” she says and you give a bright smile. “thank you professor” you thank her and she nods before walking away.

you unfold the paper and it stated that your new legal guardian would be snape since he was head of your house and over breaks you would stay at Hogwarts or at his residence. It seemed fine to you, anything seemed better than your actual father.

folding the paper back up, you slip it into your robe pocket and head back over to the Slytherin table. Taking a seat next to Draco again, you notice his stare on you “Yes?” you say and he gestures to your robe “What did Mcgonagall give you?” he asked and you shrug.

“I forgot my Transfiguration notes in her class so yeah” you say quickly. Draco eyes you up and down like before before smiling lightly “well look at you being forgetful” he teases. You roll your eyes, nudging your shoulder with his “yeah yeah whatever” you say and he leans over to press a kiss to your temple.

♡~🐍~♡

you chewed your nail nervously as you stared at the students getting on the train. You were so screwed now. It was the last day before break and Draco knew how strict your dad was and wanted you home each break. Now you stayed at Hogwarts so you see the problem, right?

you haven’t thought of a good excuse yet so while you were waiting you were thinking as well. “Y/n? Where are your things?” you hear someone ask from behind you. ‘shit’ you face the confused pale boy with a nervous smile “I’m staying at Hogwarts for break. My dad is busy”

“but your dad has never let you stay for break in the seven years i’ve known you?” Draco questions. You sigh and shrug your shoulders “i don’t know” he narrows his eyes and grabs your hand, leading away from the crowd of people. When he stops, he looks down at you with an intimidating stare.

“do you not trust me?” you look up at him and shake your head “I do trust you Dr-” “-no you don’t. Y/n you hide stuff from me. All the time” you could hear the slight anger in his voice beginning to rise and so does he. He takes a step back and takes a deep breath.

“Draco. It’s just hard to talk about some things” you explain and he scoffs. “You tell your friend everything about yourself and leave me in the dark. Y/n i’m your boyfriend. I’ve shown you the worst parts of me. My father being a death-eater and my insecurities. Why can’t you do the same!”

you sigh and use your hands to rub your face in frustration. “I’m glad you can open up to me like Draco. I really am, but i’m not like that. I’ve done the whole trusting thing and you know where it got me? Being emotionally manipulated for months!” you watch as Draco’s face falls and he looks at you with a frown.

then that frown turns into a scowl “Who?” “What who Draco?” you question and he waves his hand “who did that to you? Does he go here cause i swear to merlin i’ll kick his ass” he fumes with anger and you roll your eyes “Draco, calm down. It’s not that serious”

“Of course it is Y/n! They made you uncomfortable to tell me anything! I want to be there for you when your at your worst and they screwed it up!” He shouted and you watched as his anger fueled him in every word. “Draco i-” “You want to know the first thing i thought when i met you?”

you blink a couple times before nodding your head “I’m going to marry this girl. I had never even talked to you and i knew i wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. Y/n i love you. I really do, so please talk to me” he pleads. You could see tears forming in the corners of his grey eyes.

♡~🐍~♡

you finally had seen that Draco wasn’t the guy that was going to use anything against you. All he wanted to do was love you and be with you for the rest of his life. So you told him about your dad and you staying at Hogwarts. Draco ended up cancelling the break with his parents and stayed with you.

you two had grown closer at you felt at peace with him. The wall of uncomfortableness had been broken down by the sly Slytherin and he couldn’t be happier that you finally opened up to him. You also told him you loved him to and that you were sorry that it took so long to say.

he didn’t care. He said “I would wait years if i had to” while holding your face with both of his hands. You smiled brightly and grabbed his green tie. You pulled him into kiss you tenderly and of course he responded quickly. He kissed you deeply as he cradled your face in his hands.

♡~🐍~♡

Kody- ahhhhhh. Yeah i still have commitment issues and wished this had ended the way it did for me, but eh whateves.

#draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x y/n #draco x reader #draco malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #draco x you #draco x y/n #x female reader #x fem!reader #x reader #oneshot #one shots #one shot #imagine #fanfiction #fanfic #harry potter #potterhead

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plaidbooks · 3 years ago

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SFW Alphabet - Mike Dodds

A/N: Hey y’all! This was requested by @caracalwithchips! I forgot how fun these are--I know Mike a little better now than when I did the NSFW version, so a lot of these headcanons I’ve had in my brain. Hope you all enjoy <3

Holy fuck, how did I never notice that none of these have an S?? It took Tumblr breaking this post for me to realize.... Oh my god?!

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @permanentlydizzy @ben-c-group-therapy @infiniteoddball @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @lv7867 @storiesofsvu @cycat4077 @alwaysachorusgirl @glimmerglittergirl @joanofarkansass @redlipstickandblacktea @caracalwithchips @berniesilvas @averyhotchner @qvid-pro-qvo

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) While out in public, Mike will stand close enough that he’s brushing against you. Depending on what’s determined “okay” in social situations, he may have his hand on your arm or around your waist (like at a gala). When he can’t touch you, though, he’s giving you long, emotionally charged looks.When you’re both home, however, Mike is all over you. He has you pulled against him on the couch, holding you to his chest, fingers playing in your hair. Or he positions you so that he can gently massage your neck. He makes up for all the time he couldn’t touch you in public.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) You probably met at work, or in the gym (or on a jog). Mike is incredibly kind and will listen to you rant about something stupid happening in your life. But he will crack jokes about it until your problems seem so much smaller than you first thought they were. He’s also one to take you out to go do something fun after a rough day, if you need it.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)Boy does he! That broad chest and big arms are made to cuddle! His favorite position is on his back, with you curled against his side, head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. But after rough days, he needs something—or someone—to hold onto. Days like that, he’ll be on his side, snuggling into you, his face pressed against you (whether your back or chest).

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) Mike wants to settle down, but with someone he chose, not his father (but he also needs his father to at least like you). He’s on a self-made diet, and will cook things low in fat and high on protein. Thankfully, he has a way to season it, so it tastes good. He’s a relatively clean guy, but he’ll do things like vacuum and dishes on the weekends/days off.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) In person for sure. He’ll come to your place—out in public is too…public. He doesn’t want to embarrass you (or hurt his family’s reputation). He’ll tell you why it’s not working out and be civil about it.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) Mike’s in no hurry to get married. He wants to know that you’re the one for him before he’ll even entertain the thought of proposing. You need to be able to not only deal with his work and his workout regiment, but also with his family—especially his father. He knows that William will make snide comments directed at you, and while Mike will do his best to defend you, he also can’t go against his father.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) Mike is a teddy bear! He’s incredibly gentle, sometimes too much so. He has a big, strong body, and he’s accidentally hurt too many people in his life, especially in childhood. When you first get together, his touch is feather-light. At first, you thought it was something about you, that he was treating you like a china doll. But after talking to him about it, you learned that he thinks light and easy is better than accidentally hurting someone he cares about.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) Outside of emergency reasons (hostage situations or long stints out of the city), then Mike doesn’t really hug in public. You may get a side hug or something if you’re far in your relationship, and maybe a quick peck. Once home, though, he gives you massive bear hugs (he won’t squeeze tight, not unless you give him the okay).

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) Definitely not on the first date. Probably a few months into a relationship. He’s not afraid of love or anything, but he’s a busy man and he wants to be sure you’re sticking around before he’ll drop the word.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) Mike isn’t a jealous type. But, like most SVU detectives, he’s wary of other men. He’s protective to a point—he’s not possessive and he trusts you completely—and will definitely stick around you if he notices too many eyes in your direction. He also teaches you basic self-defense, just in case he’s not there.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) Again, out in public, it’s a quick peck on the lips or cheek—maybe a kiss to the back of your hand. Behind closed doors, however, Mike loves kissing you. He’s the master of slow, deep kisses, memorizing each other’s mouths while your lungs burn for air. Outside of your lips, he likes kissing your forehead or the top of your head; it’s intimate and sweet. But he loves loves loves when you kiss his jaw down to his chest. Any marks you leave, he can blame on sparring.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) Mike’s super sweet around kids! You know that Big Brother program—where only children get to hang out with an “older sibling” (usually volunteer college students)? Mike is that kinda guy! He knows how to connect with children, especially little boys. And they love him!

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) Mike’s up early taking a jog and hitting the gym. You usually catch him after he comes home (unless you join him). By the time he’s out of the shower, you have a protein shake for him and one of the breakfasts he showed you how to make (the shake is for the day, the breakfast for now). You usually get an hour to chat and catch up before he’s giving you a kiss and heading out the door.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) He usually comes home late—he is second in command (first, once he’s transferred from SVU). If you’re still awake, you’ll catch up on the day, chatting into the night. You know once he’s in bed, he’ll be out like a light, so you sit on the couch and talk. But he’ll eventually get that glazed look in his eyes, and you’ll have to convince him to go to bed, no matter how much he insists on wanting to talk to you.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) It’s not that he reveals things about himself on purpose, but you’ll start to notice little things (like how soft his touch is). When asked about these things, he’ll sit you down and tell you…if he knows the answer, that is. Somethings, he doesn’t know why he does them; it was just something to survive as a kid that he never really thought about.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) Angered isn’t the correct word; Mike gets frustrated. It mostly is things about work, but you learn that he has a shorter fuse every now and again. He’ll never admit that it’s stress from his father, instead blaming the cases he’s working on. But you know the signs.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) Depends on when you tell him. If he has a lot on his plate, his mind turning, he’s more likely to forget something. He knows the basics (birthday, allergies, favorite color), but things like an ongoing issue at work, you may have to remind him of the details.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?) It was before you moved in together; the first night he stayed at your place. A little girl had been kidnapped, and the squad found her body the next day. Mike was on the scene, and it hit him hard; it was the first child case he had in SVU. He was really broken up about it and he asked if he could come over. You, of course, accepted, and Mike flew to your place. It was a) the first time he told you details about his job and b) the first time you saw him cry. You calmed him down and hugged him throughout the night, running your fingers through his hair as he slept, his head on your chest. He thanked you for that, but he never told you just how much he appreciated it.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) Mike’s afraid that he’s not around enough. As such, his dates are incredible. He’s also the type to leave you little trinkets; either something useful, or something that reminded him of you. And if you’ve been cleaning and doing all the chores, then he’ll wake up super early on his day off and do everything before you get a chance to. He’ll call it a spa day for you, and while he’s waiting for something (laundry or food or what have you), he’ll massage you or rub lotion into your skin for you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) Hopefully you like chores, because Mike doesn’t do them often. He works so much and is on call on his days off. It’s not like he doesn’t want to help around the house, but if you had a dollar for every time Mike got called away while he was halfway done with something, you could afford a bigger house.He also will do anything his father asks, whether it’s in Mike’s best interest or not.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Very concerned—he has a reputation to keep. Even on his days off, he’s in nice slacks and a nice shirt. The only time you see him “off” is when he announces he’s not leaving the house. He’ll be in sweats and a tight shirt on the couch (unless he’s called in, and he has to quickly change).

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) Once you own his heart, he can’t imagine life without you. Sure, he can remain polite at galas you couldn’t make it to, but inside, he’s missing you. It’s just not the same without you by his side, to make fun of all the pompous people around you. He definitely has a well-worn picture of you in his wallet that he’ll look at if he’s stuck at work super late.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) Mike knows his father is overbearing, but he doesn’t know what William does to him. He grew up with his father’s expectations weighing down on him, so it’s all “normal” in his mind. You’ve tried talking to him before about it, but Mike will brush it off as “that’s just dad being dad.” It kind of makes meeting up with William weird, because you want to tell him off. You can see how he berates Mike, and you now understand why Mike likes to be praised so much; he obviously didn’t get it as a child.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?) Anyone that can embarrass him/his family. You need to be able to fit into the high social circles (whether you’re in them or not). You need to be eloquent and polite, ready to bite your tongue when someone says something incredibly sexist at an event (at least until you learn how to clapback without drawing attention to yourself).

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?) Ever since he was in the Army, Mike normally sleeps on his back. The only time he doesn’t is if one or both of you need the cuddles. It took you a while to get used to laying on his chest—it’s much higher than your old pillow, and it takes some adjusting. Otherwise, Mike is quick to sleep, his arm around you.

#mike dodds x reader #sfw alphabet #law and order svu

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imaginewarehouse · 4 years ago

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Tate Staskiewicz x Reader || Oneshot

Plot:

Inspired by ‘Something That We’re Not’ by Demi Lovato. Basically, you and Tate hooked up one night… for the second time… and you’re content with that just being a wrap (That’s that! That was good, that’s enough- why push it?). You aren’t a relationship person, you don’t like the commitment. But… Tate has other plans.

Warnings: Hmmm, I don’t think so. Commitment issues?

🔆 🔆 🔆

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Hm?” I look up from my - fucking bottom, - locker and to the table Sarah and Justine are at eating their lunch. Sarah, the talker, is staring at her phone; A deep frown plastered to her lips that causes my eyebrows to knit together in confusion. Justine notices, too, and leans over to see what’s on the phone- and when she does see, her brows promptly shoot up. Oh, boy. That’s not good to see. What’s happened? “Yeah?”

“Did you and Tate really hit it off the other night??”

… w h y? My heart just about stops beating in fear. Why. Why mention Tate. Any mention of a one night stand in that tone is not going to be good. I get up from the floor and rush into the empty seat beside Sarah, looing expectantly for her to explain but she just looks right back. Looking for an answer to her question. “Uhh? Yeah, I guess?? We had a good time. Why! ?” Oh good god, tell me the whole store doesn’t know. What is it?? A video, pictures, a running gag!? Good god, I thought we were beyond slut shaming but I guess not-

Sarah’s face scrunches up in confusion. “Are you dating then, now??”

Now that really causes my heart to feel like it’s skipped a beat. Or two. “What!? No! Why would you say that? It was just sex- Oh.” I look sheepishly to Justine, waiting for the high five or the ‘Heyo!’ that’s classic from her at the word ‘sex’… but receive nothing but an awkward look- her gaze turning to the wall as she takes a nervous sip of her coffee instead of talking. Realisation that this is really not good dawns on me. Jesus christ- Justine skipping the chance to talk sex? Its like a sign of the apocalypse. What’s next? The river Nile turning to blood? “Show me the phone, please.”

Sarah glances at Justine, before letting out a sigh and revealing the screen of her iPhone to me. It’s Tate’s Instagram profile- and it says, ‘In a Relationship’, at the top. I look up, deeply confused to Sarah and Justine.

“It didn’t say that before Saturday night.” Justine explains. The night Tate and I were at the bar and hooked up. “Trust me, I keep a close eye on those kinda status’.” She grins, proudly, before sobering again and adding lowly, “And Tate is pretty anal about how his social media looks, so… “She shrugs, meaningfully. So, he knows that that incriminating, incorrect phrase is printed there in his bio.

Sarah vocalises my assessment. “We can’t see him putting that kind of thing down willy nilly… Also, it says that on all his other profiles, too. Snap Chat, Twitter, even Facebook.”

“Yeah, and I mean,” Justine’s cute little nose scrunches up and her eyebrows knit together as she looks at Sarah who mouths ‘I know, right?’, back. “Who even uses Facebook anymore?? Ugh.”

I’m running through the night in my head, wondering if there was any point that I might have hinted to the pharmacist that I was looking for anything more then casual sex, at all. And I find nothing! I did not treat him any differently to how I would usually treat a person in his position- and that treatment has been carefully strung together and thought out so confusions like this do not occur. And it has nothing to do with us working together, I know that much seeing as Isaac understood just fine!

… well actually, honestly, mayyyybe I shouldn’t have slept with him at all this weekend… seeing as this was not our first time… that might have given him the wrong idea...

But god fucking damn it, Tate’s handsomeness obscured my rational and interesting conversation distracted me. I’m a fucking idiot!

I am not a relationship kinda person! I can’t be in a relationship with, fuck I don’t know… Channing Tatum- much less Tate the Pharmacist! Commitment is not for me; No, no, no-no, no. Fuck, fuck, fuck… I have to talk to Tate.

“I should go talk to him,” I say, excusing myself from the table with a polite smile but freaking out inside as I get out of the chair, kneel down and lock my locker back up, then rush out of the room leaving the girls behind in my dust. As I’m passing Grocery, I’m stopped by Cheyanne and Marcus who have their phones out, and show me a picture of me on Tate’s Twitter w i t h a h e a r t emoji and the tag #bae. My eyes bulge nearly out of my head as I look in horror at it over Cheyanne’s shoulder.

“You know, now that I’m seeing it- you two are a cute couple.” Marcus’ words cause a tsunami in my brain- all the little Inside Out-type emotions are drowning and struggling- and Fear is screaming.

“Yeah you do, but- I didn’t think you ‘did’ commitment, Y/N?” Cheyanne adds, sceptical.

“Uh, I do- “Damn. I slam my mouth shut again. I can’t talk to her about this before I talk to Tate. So instead, I just toothlessly smile, and shrug at the two- For lack of any appropriate words. “Anyway! I gotta go- see y’all later!”

And then I’m off again.

I find Tate exactly where, and in what position, I thought he would be; Sitting behind the lonely pharmacy desk with his feet up on the register bench and his nose buried in his phone rather then working. I approach with caution, but confidence also, and knock on the desk surface by his feet to get his attention- and watch his eyes light up when he sees me.

Oh dear god.

“Hey, love bug.” - Oh god, oh god! - “Nice of you to visit me at work!”

Oh… is it? Is it really? Nerves swallow me whole and I nearly shrink back down because to just go with this relationship for the rest of our lives until we get married and have 4 children together and raise them and send them all off to community college instead of having an awkward conversation, sounds really good. How dare he look so soft- this T a t e. Tate is narcissist and an asshole. This isn’t how the world is supposed to work-

“Hey… “My voice cracks like pubescent teenage boy, and I avoid eye contact like a criminal. “Tate, um- So! I think that… maybe, possibly… we might have gotten our signals crossed the other night?”

Tate tilts his head to the side and sets his phone down- all attention on me. “How so?”

“Well,” Why is my voice so high??? I cough into my fist, trying to clear it and return it to its regular register, but fail. The show must go on, though. “Um, I-I was under the impression, that… what we were doing, was, uh… a one-time thing? I guess?” Tate’s eyebrows begin to knit together. “A-and, I think you might have interpreted it a different way?”

“So… you’re saying, that you were just using me, for sex. And somehow that’s my fault?”

My eyes blow wide open and I rush to amend his reiteration as he gets up from his chair and stands, looking down on me now. And… I… oop. That’s just great “No no! Not your fault, at all Tate!! I was just at that bar looking for… err, well, sex! And I thought you were too, but apparently not, and… do you understand?”

“I understand.” For a millisecond, I begin to relax- before Tate’s eyes narrow so much so that they’re nothing but sparkly, black-lashed slits of death. I wish I was at that bar now- I would order a Long Island Iced Tea and black out. “You’re screwing me.”

“What- No!”

“Yes! You want the rig, but not the rest of the machine.” Does he know what a rig is?- Either way, I solemnly, apologetically, shake my head. Well, yes, he’s correct, but I also don’t want to lose the, uh, machine! I really like talking to him when I’m stuck stocking shelves in the pharmacy! I don’t want to lose that? Then, suddenly like the changing wind, Tate’s eyes widen and a ghost of a smirk flickers across his face. “Oh, or- its more than that.” Hold on what. “Cuz Y/N, this isn’t the first time this has happened, you know? The first time, fine. I get it, you need a release. We all do- especially working a lowly job like you do, unlike mine. Heh. But you came back. To me. You could’ve approached anyone else at that bar and gotten the same results… but you came back to this one.”

Now I narrow my eyes and furrow my brows, leaning back from the self-absorbed chemist. “… what are suggesting, Tate?”

He lets the smirk come out, now, and the only comprehensive thought that passes through my brain is: ‘shittttt’.

“You just can’t get enough of me.”

“What!?” I gape, jaw dropped. Ridiculous!-

“I’m Y/N-Nip.” Oh sweet jesus. The thought genuinely seems to please him. Of course, it does. Ugh… No way. This cannot be right. I do not want a relationship! No way no how! “So it doesn't really matter if you don’t want me right now- because you will. We both know you will.”

“I- Tate! You’re cracked!”

He chuckles, dipping hands into the pockets of his lab coat and shaking his head slowly. “Love you too, babe.”

“TATE!”

“Yeah... you keep screaming my name like that. Good practise.”

“Oh my god!” I exclaim, covering the bottom of my face and closing my eyes, a grin hidden behind my hands at how ridiculous this is. He’s too cute, oh my god! “How have you twisted this, you insane person. I do not have feelings for you!- Well, romantic feelings.” I cross my arms across my chest. “I do not have the romantic feelings, for you. All the feelings that I have for you can be simply summed up by whatever insane, terrible illness that kept putting Lorelai and Christopher together.”

“Gilmore girls?” He grimaces.

“Yes.”

His eyebrows shoot up his forehead and his eyes light up even more, despite his apparent aversion towards my chosen American favourite, and I immediately regret my analogy. “So, you admit there are feelings there?”

“Yeah- raw, animal sex-drive! That’s it!” I try to explain, looking away to avoid his eyes and feeling my cheeks warm up.

“But you like talking to me, too, don’t you.” Its not a question, its a statement. He knows! And... it is not totally wrong. I do like to talk to him. He’s a narcissist and he’s smug but I happen to find that funny on all but bad days, and he keeps up with my antics like no one else. But so does Sarah. So does Jonah. So do Mateo and the guy on Echat so charmingly called ‘B1gHairyDucksRunTheW8rld’- long story short; I’m darling and lots of people like to talk to me!

“Oh, Tate. Since when has an amusement by intelligent conversation been considered a for sure indication of desire for a romantic relationship?”

“Oh, its not. But combined with the ‘raw, animal sex-drive’ that you so aptly named, it kinda does.” He leans closer a little bit over the desk towards me. “Also, you’ve said my name no less then six times while you’ve been here.”

I laugh out loud- a definite sense of nervousness laced through the sound. “That means nothing!”

“No, no-no. It means... “ He raises his eyebrows again at me and sets me with a wise look, like somehow he knows the deep secrets that hide out in the recesses of my mind. “Something.”

Maybe he’s right.

“No!”

“Oh, believe what you want, love bug.”

“This is crazy, Tate. We are not in any kind of relationship and I do not have feelings for you!”

“So I’ll see you tonight?”

“No?”

“My place? 7?”

“You will not see me tonight!”

“Do you think you’ll end up staying over? Just because, man of riches and luxury that I am, I need to change the sheets if you are to set the right mood.”

My jaw drops. He’s lost his mind... and maybe I am too a little bit, because for some reason I’m leaning towards agreeing and going to his place tonight. Is there anything that I can say to him to dissuade him from these delusions of me being in love with him? Because I don’t!

But... I wont lie. This is the most stimulating conversation I’ve had in forever, it feels good. It always does, with Tate. But again still, I am not commitment girl. He is commitment guy. He may not seem like it, in fact he has the complete guide and tool set to be a grade-A douchebag, but he isn’t and he apparently somehow likes me which is not a horrible feeling and I do not want to let him down. I... really don’t.

Sighing, I collapse against the register and roll my eyes back. “Tate... I might like you. A lot.”

“Oh. Shocker.” He rolls his own eyes, pressing some buttons on the register. Oh, he thinks that he’s funny. Hm.

“... but I want you to hear me now. Okay? Listen.” Thankfully he looks up and focuses on me, blue eyes meeting mine. “I am not relationship compatible. I cant do it. I’ve tried it before and I couldn't hack it. Its not in my genetic make-up!- please don’t push this and make me ruin what we have.”

He takes a deep breath, and sighs it out... before reaching over and holding my hand on top of the desk. He sets me with a reassuring look. “... I’m a Pharmacist. We don’t ruin things.”

BONUS:

“... Jesus Christ you’re self absorbed.”

“Maybe you can work on that with me at my place at 7. Now I have to get back to work, pharmaceutical business waits for no man.”

“Oh boy.” I’m dating this guy...

#Tate Staskiewicz #Superstore #Tate Staskiewicz x Reader #Tate x Reader #Superstore Tate #Superstore Tate x Reader #Oneshot #Superstore Sarah #Superstore Justine #Justine Sikowicz #Superstore Cheyanne #Cheyanne Lee #Marcus White #Superstore Marcus

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galaxyofmyown · 4 years ago

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Hi!! I'm not sure if you'll take it (and that's 100% okay!!) but as a request can you write hotch x younger, shy reader? I'm just all about that age gap with him (yes, that's my daddy issues speaking up). Have a nice day!! ❤

hi! this was so fun to write. i was aiming for like, idk, 500 words? and then oops! i wrote almost 2000. i accidentally made it specifically for a female reader, so let me know if that doesn’t work for you and i can tweak it. also, sorry if the end feels rushed, but i’m about to fall asleep and i wanted to wrap this one up so i could write the other requests tomorrow. let me know what you think! xx

aaron hotchner x reader - surprise me

“Hey, (Y/N). Drinks? Everyone’s going.” You hear Derek ask. You smile before spinning around in your desk chair.

“God, yes. I was hoping you’d ask, I really need to blow off some steam.” You reply, getting up and grabbing your bag, having already packed up for the night. The team had just gotten back from Middle-of-Nowhere, Kansas, and to say the case was intellectually challenging was an understatement. It felt a lot like piecing together a never-ending puzzle, but you had saved the lives of countless innocent people. There was no better feeling.

Drinking is a close second, however, which is why you were impatiently pacing near the elevator as the rest of your team gathered their things. As soon as everyone arrived, you filed into the elevator.

“You look excited, (Y/N).” Emily said with a smile, knocking her shoulder into yours. You laugh.

“Why wouldn’t I be? Any excuse to spend more time with my favorite group of people!” You say, your voice taking on a teasing tone as you poke a pink-polished finger into Reid’s side. Reid yelps and jumps away, blushing slightly. The rest of the team laughs, Morgan reaching to ruffle his hair. You smile at the sight. They were truly a second family to you. The elevator doors were nearly closed when a large hand reached in and caused the doors to jerk and reopen.

And there he was.

Your boss, Aaron Hotchner. You tensed despite yourself as he slid in right next to you. Rossi clapped him on the shoulder.

“Nice of you to join us.” He said. Hotch nodded, professional as ever. Everyone looked as surprised as you felt.

“You’re coming out with us, sir? You never come.” Garcia said, not unkindly. You all understood his commitment to his son, so you couldn’t really blame him for always being too busy for drinks. Unlike everyone else, your surprise was less pleasant and more panicked. Even though you’d been on the team for well over a year, you still found it extremely difficult to talk to Hotch outside of a case.

It might have something to do with you being head over heels for the older man.

“Jack is with his aunt for the weekend, so JJ convinced me to tag along. I hope that’s alright with everyone.” He said, looking directly at you. You nod and force a tight smile, missing the way your discomfort makes his brows furrow.

There goes your plan to let loose. You can’t help but monitor every word, every movement you make when you’re around Hotch. You found him attractive the moment you met him, the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that you realized you actually had feelings for the man. You loved how caring and loyal he was, and you appreciated every smile and laugh he allowed himself. He was also a natural leader, solid in a way no other man in your life had been. You understood, however, that Hotch would never settle for someone as young and inexperienced as you. Aside from the odd celebrity crush, you had never felt so attracted to an older man. It left you floundered, constantly at a loss for words. He probably thought you were an immature girl who couldn’t control her feelings at 28.

You rode with Emily to the bar, who couldn’t stop laughing at your nerves. She was your best friend, so she knew all about your unfortunate crush. Hopefully she was the only one.

“He’s really a nice guy, (Y/N). Not intimidating at all. Well, not when you actually talk to him. You should try it sometime.” She said, pulling the bar door open for you. You rolled your eyes.

“I do talk to him. That’s the problem. The more I’m around him the more likely it is that I die of a broken heart. Do you want me to die, Prentiss? Is that what you want?” You said. Emily barks out a laugh at your theatrics. Your conversation is cut short as you approach the large round booth your team is occupying for the night. Emily sneaks over to sit next to Rossi, leaving only the seat next to Hotch. She smiles with false sweetness and you slide in across from her, and you kick her lightly under the table. You stay as close to the edge of the seat as you can manage, trying your hardest not to impinge on Hotch’s personal space.

You’re about to ask if anyone wants a drink when Hotch slides your favorite drink, a Moscow Mule, over to you.

“It’s your favorite, right?” Hotch asks, his voice soft over the noise of the bar. You falter. How did he know that? You probably haven’t ordered a drink in front of him in months.

“Um, uh, yeah. Thank you.” You say. He nods curtly. You both turn away from each other, and you sip at your drink, hoping it’ll take the edge off soon enough.

Despite the pleasant conversation you have with your team, you can’t shake your nerves. Three drinks deep and still feeling like you’ve had the breath knocked out of you every time you see Hotch laugh.

“So, Hotch. Anyone special in your life?” Garcia asks boldly, trying to shake the attention off her and her current love life.

Nope. Not happening. You get up from the table abruptly, shaking the table slightly as you do so. Great, now everyone is looking at you.

“Um. Anybody want another drink?” You ask. JJ requests another vodka soda and Hotch politely asks for a beer. You never drink beer, but you’re too nervous to ask which kind. You rush off to the bar, where a bartender about your age is wiping down the counter.

“Hi! Can I get a vodka soda, a glass of water, and a beer, please?” You ask, feeling your nerves dissolve. The bartender looks up, his blonde hair falling over his eyes.

“What kind of beer?” He asks. You shrug, defeated.

“Honestly, just surprise me.” You say. He smiles, clearly amused, and turns to get your drinks. You don’t even notice someone approaching until you hear a familiar voice clear his throat.

“(Y/N).” He says. You turn, trying not to shy away as Hotch towers over you.

“Yes?” You say, willing your voice to not sound squeaky.

“Can we talk?” He asks, pulling at his tie.

Fuck.

“Sure. Let me just…” You trail off, motioning at the bartender. Hotch nods in understanding. Just as he does, the bartender slides the drinks over to you. Hotch grabs JJ’s drink and walks it over to her. Emily sends you a suggestive look from across the room. You flip her off and turn to the bartender.

“Please add these to Emily Prentiss’ tab. That’s P-R-E-N-T-I-S-S.” You say, and the bartender laughs.

“No problem, um-” He says. You smile.

“(Y/N).” You say, filling in his blank.

“Well, nice to meet you, (Y/N).” He says before being flagged down by another customer.

You turn around with your water and Hotch’s beer, only to bump right into the older man.

“Jesus fuck!” You exclaim as ice water stings your hand. Hotch laughs, a deep rumbling sound that completely entrances you.

“Sorry.” He says, freeing up one of your hands by taking his beer.

“I hope you like that kind. I’m not much of a beer drinker.” You say, trying for a smooth recovery. Hotch nods appreciatively.

“This is perfect,” He says, and you unclench slightly, “could we talk outside? It’s a bit loud in here.”

You nod, and he guides you out of the bar with his hand on your elbow. The crisp evening air takes some over the edge off. Hotch leans against the brick wall and you do the same. You’re only illuminated by the purple neon “open” sign hanging over you.

“I wanted to apologize.” Hotch blurts out, taking you by surprise. You tilt your head to the side, asking a silent question. Hotch almost dies on the spot.

“I- I’ve acted inappropriately towards you, and for that I apologize. I value your expertise and think you’re an invaluable member of this team. I never intended to make you uncomfortable.” He says in a rush, throwing you completely off guard. It takes you a moment to remember how to talk, but when you do all that comes out is-

“What are you talking about?”

Hotch runs a hand through his hair and smiles, but it looks painful.

“Please, (Y/N), don’t make me say it.”

“Say what?” You ask, completely bewildered.

“That I have feelings for you.”

And then you wake up.

Well, this is the part where you should wake up, but you’re still here, outside with Hotch. Hotch. Aaron Hotchner. Who likes you.

“What?” You said, not trusting yourself to say anything else. Hotch smiles again, resigned.

“Please. You must’ve noticed. I haven’t been exactly inconspicuous. And again, I’m sorry. It must make you very uncomfortable for someone more advanced than you in both age and position to be so blatant in their feelings for you.”

“What is happening?” You whisper, mostly to yourself. “You- you like me?” You ask as if he hasn’t made it obvious enough. Hotch actually has the audacity to look ashamed as he nods. After you’ve had a moment to process, you can’t help the world-stopping, blinding smile that graces your face. You tentatively reach for his hand. Hotch looks up at you in disbelief as you entwine your fingers with him.

“(Y/N)?” He asks carefully, not fully trusting the scene unfolding before him.

“I had no idea,” You say, feeling elated, “I always thought I was the one being obvious about my feelings.”

Hotch jerks his hand away, and your face falls.

“But- you shouldn’t have any feelings. Not for me.” He says, his face turning stony before your eyes.

“Why not?”

“Because, (Y/N)! I’m too old for you. I can’t give you what I want. You deserve to be with someone your age, someone who can give you all of his time.” He says, taking a step away from you. You take another step towards him.

“Hey, no. Is your name Aaron Hotchner?” You ask, pulling him towards you.

“What? Yes.” He says, clearly confused. You slowly and gently take his face in your hands, bringing his forehead down to yours.

“Then you are what I want, Aaron.” You whisper, the name tasting sweet in your mouth. Hotch practically melts, pulling you into a hug by your waist. You wrap your arms around his neck and revel in the warmth of his body and fast beat of his heart.

“(Y/N), my darling girl,” He says softly, pulling back slightly. “Can I kiss you?” He asks. You nod eagerly, and he pulls you to him. He kisses the way he loves, carefully yet passionately. When you pull away you feel like a new woman, and you wrap your arms around him once again.

“You are amazing.” He says, his words warming you even more than his touch. You kiss him again.

“Let’s go home, Aaron.” You say. And you do.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #hotch imagine #hotch x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #ssa hotchner

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whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years ago

Text

Long Nights - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Eddie Vedder - Long nights

I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--

For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)

I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.

So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.

And I found it.

The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.

//Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before//

That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.

//Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground//

Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?

Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe

I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).

I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.

//You shut me down, you like the control

You speak to me like I'm a child

Try to hold it down, I know the answer

I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me

I tried to play it nice but

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't kill my vibe

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't break my stride//

To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.

//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//

That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.

Tom Grennan - I might

To me, it’s another character introduction song.

//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//

....you already know what I’m getting at, right?

//Don't want no one taking up my time

Staying on my mind, changing up my life

Don't want no one messing up my bed

Fucking with my head, it's no lie//

That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.

There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)

//But when you look at me like that

I might//

See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.

Kings of Leon - Find me

That’s more chapter-specific.

//I really wanna know your name

See your face, know who you are, who you are

How did ya find me, how did ya find me?

What are you looking for, are you looking for

How did ya find me how did ya find me

Up in the shadow, picking up my load//

I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.

American Authors - I’m born to run

Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.

//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come

Do whatever I want like I'm born to run

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless even if I break my bones

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

All these things I've seen and done

I live my life like I'm born to run//

The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner

Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.

//You could have my body

But you can't have me

I know I'm a criminal

Don't you tell on me//

That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!

Missy Elliot - Work it

(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)

Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

//Come on

Is it worth it? Let me work it

I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//

...you see what I mean?

Chapter 2: Praise you

God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.

//We've come a long long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I should//

Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?

It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?

...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.

Sam Fender - Start again

This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:

//Let's start again

Let's learn to talk

Without the fear of being heard

'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody

Let's pull the cord

Move below

Let's start again//

Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult

Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.

//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me

You never can get enough of whatever you think you need

No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush

Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//

This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.

//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets

You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//

That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.

//And now I'm standing in the rain

And your hair, it's falling in your face

And I know we're doing the right thing//

Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.

//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//

Ouch.

//On and off, difficult

Too in love to let it go

Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//

The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.

That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.

//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//

I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.

Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you

There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.

//Skin on skin

We didn't finish what we started

Heart to heart

I'm missing your love//

Keir - Probably

The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.

//Colliding were the walls

And I forget where I began

I wish I could remember love//

Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.

//Probably underneath

There's a remedy

Possibly in the air

In the oxygen I breathe

Probably//

And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.

Dermot Kennedy - Glory

This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.

//A set of eyes had pinned him

Became his version of a kingdom

She's everything the devil can't be

When she's singing to me "Glory"//

Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.

Rhys Lewis - Living in The City

If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:

//I've been living in the city too long

I've been given everything that I've got

Been a sinner and a saint

Crazy, and sane

I've been living in the city too long//

We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?

//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go

Wants to just run away

But the rest of my soul says I should stay

I should stay//

And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?

Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad

God, do I love this song.

//So this is where we are

It's not where we had wanted to be

If half the world's gone mad

The other half just don't care, you see

You don't want to fuck with us

British to the very last

When it feels like the world's gone mad

And there's nothing you can do about it

No there's nothing you can do about it//

It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.

Who’s Molly - Touch the sky

Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.

//We can never see beyond that horizon.

And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.

But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.

We'll make it through.

If you were here with me.//

That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.

//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.

I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.

And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.

You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.

Never would have thought I could win this battle.

I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.

We're going to set the world alight tonight.

Cause we can touch the sky!//

That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.

//Close your eyes, free your soul.

You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//

Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌

Dermot Kennedy - Young & free

Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.

//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die

Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines

Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind

Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time

We were young

We were free, come on now, let it go//

The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.

James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me

Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.

//I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating//

To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.

Ruelle - Oh my my

Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.

//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones

Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum

Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind

You never see us creeping in, creeping in

Oh my my, oh my my

You never stood a chance

...

Ready or not, here we come//

The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.

Speaking of rain--

Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain

The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.

//But it's alright because

You cause lanterns to light

And force demons disperse

And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears

Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you

And release me now, kinda like dreams do

And I see you now, was hard to see you

Just don't forget to sing

Remember everything//

So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.

I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.

Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?

...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)

//If you think just maybe it's her

Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know

You won't go lonely, yeah

It'll all be better in the morning

'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//

Aquillo - Six feet over ground

Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.

//Today's the day I found myself alright

When I look ahead, pretend it never came.

I found a way to keep my head above

But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'

Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing

I'm still six feet over ground

But you don't need to know now

You don't need to know how I'm doing//

They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.

Aquilo - Silhouette

The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder

Strangers in your head

As if you don't remember

As if you can forget

It's only been a moment

It's only been a lifetime

But tonight you're a stranger

Some silhouette //

When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.

//Just hold me//

Nathan Ball - Drifting

//I can see in your eyes

When you lie awake at night

You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright

To keep on drifting

With the drugs keeping you high

They catch you falling from the sky

I keep asking myself why

You stand by

And keep on drifting

…

So tell me what you hold inside

Tell the backstreets of your mind

You're still lonely as a child

Teary eyed

Kept on drifting//

Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.

Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--

//So take my hand and hold on

Take my hand don't let go//

That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.

I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.

Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic

//Cold light wakes me in the morning,

Your side is empty I was calling out to you,

I was calling out to you.//

That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.

//But I don't need your love,

I just need your

Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up

Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,

When I'm hungover too.

Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,

You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,

When I'm lonely for you.

All that I need is a sweet escape,

And all that I need is a sweet escape.

...

Cause I don't need your love

But I just need you now

And I don't need your love

I just need you now//

This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.

RHODES - Breathe

The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.

//Mind break in two,

There's a light in the sky, there's a light

And it's all for you

Dawn colors all

Tell me how do you feel?

Tell me how do you need to heal?//

Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.

//Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I'll keep you warm

Come on!

Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I need your love

Come on now!//

To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.

Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic

The one for ✨the moment✨.

//Comfort me, oh comfort me

I'm lighting up

To see the day you run for me

You run for me, my love//

Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.

//But I've been tied up

For days

And I've been thinking of the things that you say

And I've been wound up

Each way

I need to let you know, to let you know today//

Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.

//You call me a liar

You call me so innocent

But you lit the fire

You lit the fire that burns

The fire that burns inside us

I'm not innocent

I lit the fire, the fire, the fire

I lit the fire//

Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.

The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version

//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said

You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head

Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said

You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark

To start again//

You can see it, right?

Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.

//And it feels like falling in, falling in love

Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love

Could save me tonight//

The 1975 - Fallingforyou

//According to your heart

My place is not deliberate

Feeling of your arms

I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

On this night, and in this light

I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you

And maybe you, change your mind//

They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.

Adam French - Weightless

The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.

That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.

//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders

You see you're gonna make it alright

How you're gonna make it alright

When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright

You say your body will

Hold me in the night

...

Only you can make me weightless

...

Closer is all I ever wanted to be

There for ya so you can be confiding in me

There to break the fall

Here for everybody to see

Weightless after all//

Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect

I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.

And my god, this song.

//You live like you're a secret

One that only I could know

'Cause I said

You know what I want and

I know who you are

I know when I hold you and love you

You'll get up and go before you fall apart//

...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?

//I'll bring you every colour that I find

In your eyes

You wake me up

And it breaks my heart

That you're perfectly imperfect

You're hurting but you're worth it

You don't know why

I would waste my time

But I'm falling and I mean it

I want you like I need it

There's nothing you could try to change my mind

'Cause I'm in love

So call me when you want me and I'll come running

Find me waiting at your door

So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long

'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//

That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.

Bastille - Survivin’

The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.

//And I'm not gonna lie

Say I've been alright

'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down

What can I say? I'm survivin'

Crawling out these sheets to see another day

What can I say? I'm survivin'

And I'm gonna be fine

I'm gonna be fine

I think I'll be fine//

As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.

Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped

Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.

//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//

Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--

//Feels like I know you so well

You could be everything that I've been missing

I'm coming out of my shell

And I never do that

How did you do that?

It's like I've known you my whole life//

That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.

//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses

Maybe you like me the way I am//

That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.

//Baby, I'm in love//

🙃

INXS - Need you tonight

I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)

//So slide over here and give me a moment

Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleepin'

There's somethin' about you, girl

That makes me sweat//

That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.

Dermot Kennedy - Days like this

Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.

That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.

//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this

When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//

They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.

James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic

The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.

//Take your time

I'll be right here

I know no one could ever love me better

Take all night

You're the truth that

Is breaking me and keeping me together

Together

I wanna be in your touch

Sleep is so tough

You're burning up my mind

What would it feel like if you tore me apart?

Come on chew on my heart

...

I'm on fire

I'm a hot mess

I'm thinking things that I might start regretting

So hear me out

I need you now

I'm spiraling

I'm sinking down

Look for me I'm sending up a message

A message//

I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.

Picture This - Unconditional

This one just makes my heart sing.

//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it

Even when we're sleepless and damaged

I don't doubt it

We're holding on//

That’s exactly it.

//Baby I wish we could take this feeling

And put it away somewhere safe

'Til we need it

Unconditional

I'm so afraid of losing your love//

They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.

//Shivers running down my back with your fingers

The smell of your perfume it lingers

And whispers

What I want you to say

Under your skin, underdressed under covers

We bring out the best in each other

Two lovers finding our way//

The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.

BANNERS - Start a riot

But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.

//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm

No surrender, no retreat

I will tear down every wall

Just to keep you warm

Just to bring you home

I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust

I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust

Will you take my hand?

We can make our stand

If your world falls apart

I'd start a riot

If night falls in your heart

I'd light the fire

In the dark, when you sound the alarm

We'll find each other's arms

For your love, all you are

I'd start a riot//

The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.

Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--

Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live

When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.

I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.

//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//

Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.

//No, I don't want to fall in love

With you, with you

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//

And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.

Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.

Lewis Watson - Little light

//And all this shade is, illuminating

And all those love lines, are taking shape

And all my worries, disintegrating

And I've been waiting, I've been waiting

And all my days were young and wasted

When I was waiting, oh for you

And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading

But ever since I found you

A little light is breaking through//

Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.

X Ambassadors - Renegades

Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.

//Long live the pioneers

Rebels and mutineers

Go forth and have no fear

Come close and lend an ear

…

All hail the underdogs

All hail the new kids

All hail the outlaws

Spielbergs and Kubricks

It's our time to make a move

It's our time to make amends

It's our time to break the rules

Let's begin//

I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.

I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)

Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t

Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.

//Under the water

It's cold and it's grey

My torrid autumn

Another season decays

Open up the Hollow

And my walls come down

I tell you it's a problem

Just when no one's around

But then

I know what's wrong

God, you complicated everything

I know you're gone, gone, gone

This is where I will draw my line

I will draw my line//

To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.

Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway

I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.

I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.

//It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head

And it's a slow cry out

When you've got so many tears you could die

And it's a long time to wait

When you take all my tears away//

Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.

//My body is colder

Time is frozen

All these feelings have poisoned my soul

And in silence no I can't stand it

Please break these chains and hell I can

Hideaway//

She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.

//You're my one way out

And my tears won't save me now

Save me now

I can't stand it

All this loneliness I feel

I can't do this alone

I need someone to remind my feelings

That I've fallen down by the door

It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now

It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head//

Macy Gray - I try

One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.

//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near//

It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.

Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic

//She told me she was hollow

That's far from what I see//

That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.

//I told her she was special

She almost let me in

But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//

We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.

//Lonely is her favourite

If only I could change it

If I could only save her

But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken

Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open

Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire

Mostly she's everything I desire

Lonely is her favourite place to be//

Galleaux - Tether me

I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.

//In this space, do I belong?

It's dark out here in my own thoughts

Pull me back, out of my body

I'm tied to my limbs

They're spinning me out of control

Tether me//

And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.

Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay

There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.

It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.

//Lover, I know you're weary

Eyes are tired from the night

Lover, come to the kitchen floor

Tiles are cold, so am I//

You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.

//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin

And I don't wanna be alone

If I am tonight, I'll always be//

Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.

//So take from me what you want, what you need

Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need

But lover, please stay with me, oh//

You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨

Foo Fighters - Home

When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.

//Wish I were with you

But I couldn't stay

Every direction

Leads me away

Pray for tomorrow

But for today

All I want is to be home//

About to leave for good.

This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.

BANKS - Someone new

Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -

//I can love you desperately

Though your love ain't guaranteed

Oh, I wish you knew the deal

Gotta learn from far away

And I simply needed space

Space for me to be

And I think you need it too

Though I know you call me selfish for assuming

I did this for you too//

This, this, all of this! You see it, right?

//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you

Don't know what else to do//

Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.

//And please don't fall in love with someone new

I promise one day I'll come back for you//

And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.

//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words

Calling me a fool

Saying that I've fucked up everything

And you'll never forgive me//

See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.

Agnes Obel - Riverside

//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep

And I don't know why I go the way

Down by the riverside//

As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.

Billy Raffoul - Dark four door

There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.

//You got up, you felt you should

I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could

I never thought that you would//

Chris Cornell - Before we disappear

Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.

//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?

How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//

Dermot Kennedy - A closeness

The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--

//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you

Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss

A permanent truth, a means to get through//

Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?

//Deep into the night, eyes closing

Heart swollen with my loving for you

A solid embrace, kind face

And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons

Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night

You've got a heart like the moon

Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it

'Cause she got to go soon//

And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.

Ryan McMullan - Outcry

I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.

//You came a long way to see me

So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine

What's the point that you're making

Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind

If in doubt, don't fake it

I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie

If you're in love don't be ashamed of it

'Cause even angels fall for demons//

God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?

And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.

//I've heard stories, but they're jaded

So give me something more

I only know what I've been told

But I can tell that you're frustrated

And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold

If you tell me you're hurting

I'm hurting too, yeah

Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine

I'll wait for the outcry

Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//

And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.

//If you feel like leaving

Then maybe it's for the best

Or if you feel like you've given in

Oh, give yourself a chance

If you feel like crying

Oh please don't hold it in

If you feel like reaching out oh

Let me in//

His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.

Gavin James - Hard to do

One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.

//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave

This house isn't home to me

I'm tired of losing everyone I see

Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do

Trying to hold on//

Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.

//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run

But two hearts are better than one

You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone

Oh, I'll be gone

It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//

Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.

//Oh, but I need you

Far more than I ever want you

It's such an unnatural thing we do

When falling in love's just so hard to do

Hard to do//

She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.

Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you

I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.

//Wherever you are

You know that I adore you

No matter how far

Well, I can go before you

And if ever you need someone

Well, not that you need helping

But if ever you want someone

Know that I am willing//

He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.

//Oh, and I don't want to change you

I don't want to change you

I don't want to change your mind//

Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.

//I've never been with anyone

In the way I've been with you

But if love is not for fun

Then it's doomed

'Cause water races

Water races down the waterfalls//

Lucy Spraggan - Run

Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?

//I just to run to the end of the world

Just to see if it's possible

I don't care what I've been told

I want to run to the end of the world

I'm going to run,run,run

Bye bye problems

Run 'til the road hits the sea

You better run,run,run

If you want to be free//

Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.

//I wanna feel invincible

One more mile out of principle

I want to see the whole damn world

One cross road can change it all//

Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.

------

Quite a journey that was.

Thank you all for taking it with me.

#long nights #long nights playlist #bts long nights

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muertawrites · 5 years ago

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Hey! I absolutely loved your Zuko x reader one host you wrote, and I was wondering if you could do one where Zuko and the reader barely talk, but she’s part of Azula’s friend group. At the beach some stuff happens, and Zuko finds out she’s not as crazy as he thought she was. Kind of angst. I totally understand if you can’t, or don’t feel like it! I hope you’re safe and healthy, and everything is going well. Thank you!

From Eden (Zuko x Reader)

Word Count: 1,776 (FUHREEDOM MOTHERFUCKERS 🎆🦅🦅🦅 🎆 )

Author’s Note: Ok this request is P E R F E C T. I don’t think I need to tell anyone I love the psychology of this show, but I love the psychology of this show - especially with Zuko and his relationship with himself and others. And this episode??? Ohhhhhh I have some THINGS. TO. SAY. about this episode. I have been in this boy’s place and I feel 👏🏻 for 👏🏻 him 👏🏻 he 👏🏻 deserves 👏🏻 better 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. I went in a sliiiiiiightly different direction, but I didn’t drastically change it (it turned out cute I think). Also, I named this “From Eden” because as I was writing it reminded me of the Hozier song. I’m such a sucker for a Broken Babe™, especially when the babe in question has a lot of personal growth and learns to love because of it. Thank you so much for this, anon, you’re absolutely gorgeous and I hope you’re keeping safe and healthy as well ❤

~ Muerta

(Also, if you’d like to request something, I have a list of prompts tagged! Feel free to ask for anything from fics to headcanons to imagines - I’m also open to new character suggestions!)

“Hey.”

Zuko sat on the porch of his family’s old vacation home, his mind miles away. Your greeting made him snap his head towards you, glowering down at where you stood at the base of the front steps. You crossed your arms, responding to his gaze with a defiant glare.

“What do you want?” he growled.

“To have normal friends,” you spat in reply. “Seems I’m stuck with you instead.”

A few hours ago, Zuko almost made a crater in the beach from the campfire you, his sister Azula, and your friends Mai and Ty Lee had started a screaming match around. Insults were flung, tears were shed, and skeletons were evicted from closets, all resulting in your realization that maybe political survival wasn’t worth the dysfunction of constantly being surrounded by a sociopath and her cronies. Pretending to have a super fun sleepover with them back at the guest house was proving to be too much for your fragile sense of self-containment, and you weren’t quite friendly enough with your newfound death wish to tell Azula how you really felt about her, so you went where you knew it would be quiet. You didn’t expect to find Zuko and his anger issues there a second time, but he honestly didn’t scare you - you’d take his obvious rage over Azula’s subtle calculations any day.

“I don’t know why you’re complaining,” Zuko jeered. “You’re just as emotionally fucked as the rest of them.”

“Ty Lee’s got herself pretty much under control, despite her gullibility,” you answered cooly. “Also, if you really wanna talk about emotionally fucked, I’m not the one who almost roasted my ex-girlfriend alive earlier.”

Zuko furrowed his brow at you, leaning forward as if to challenge you. You stayed exactly as you were, regarding him with a hard, unimpressed expression that revealed just how little he intimidated you. You couldn’t bend and weren’t a trained fighter - you knew he knew this, and that he wouldn’t actually attack you, despite how convincing he tried to make his empty threat appear. After a long, intense moment of wrinkled foreheads and competitive frowning, he backed off with a sigh, leaning back against the pillar behind him.

“So, what, you want to come and make peace? Talk it out or something?”

You shook your head, climbing the steps and lowering yourself onto the second highest; just below him, with a few feet between you as a courtesy.

“The last thing I want to do is talk about that dumpster fire on the beach,” you told him. “I just needed some time alone. But, since I found you, I guess it’s a good time to ask if you’re okay.”

Zuko looked you up and down, a confused and partially concerned look on his face. You half expected him to raise the back of his hand to your forehead to check for fever.

“What do you care if I’m okay or not?” he asked bitterly. “We’re not friends.”

“Zuko, I’ve known you since I was a toddler,” you said. “I’d say we’re friends. It’s not like anyone else really is.”

“Mai is my girlfriend,” Zuko snapped at you. “She’s the best friend I have!”

“Mai dumped you for being a possessive asshole,” you deadpanned, “then she let her best friend convince you to commit arson. Friends don’t let their friends’ sisters manipulate them into felonies.”

Zuko huffed, slumping back defeatedly.

“You can’t act like Azula’s never made you do anything you didn’t want to,” he grumbled.

“I don’t,” you replied shortly. “I’ve just stopped caring about making her like me, since she really doesn’t like anyone. She doesn't get under my skin like she used to when we were kids.”

You noticed Zuko’s lips curl upwards into the ghost of a smile. You mirrored him, leaning your arms atop your upright knees.

“What?” you asked.

Zuko chuckled faintly, shaking his head.

“Nothing,” he responded. “You just… Do you remember when you were eight, and Azula teased Ty Lee about being too slow climbing the trees in our courtyard?”

Your eyes widened in realization, your mouth parting into a wide smile as you let out a gasp of hysterical laughter.

“Oh, that was awful!” you cried, though the memory only brought more fits of giggles to your gut. “I was such a little brat!”

Zuko was laughing with you too now, arms wrapped over his stomach as he tried to speak between breaths.

“It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen!” he exclaimed. “Watching her fall out of the tree like that, the shock on her face, and then I caught you with the knife and saw where you cut the branch... She deserved it. You should give her a taste of her own medicine like that more often.”

You blushed, looking away from him as your laughter died down.

“Now she could kill me if she wanted,” you said. “I try not to say or do anything around her if I can help it.”

“... Is that why you’ve been so quiet since then?”

You nodded.

“She beat me up when she found out what I did,” you explained.

You stood, pulling down the waist of your sarong to reveal the burn scar on your right hip. Zuko’s eyes burst with shock at first, wondering exactly why you’d be disrobing in front of him, his expression softening when he saw the mark Azula left.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “Most brothers feel like they should protect their little sisters. I always felt like I should’ve protected all of you from her.”

“You did,” you assured him. You sat back down beside him, closer this time, so that your hips almost touched. “I remember you jumped in front of her once when she threatened us. And that time…”

Your voice faded, the memory almost bringing tears to your eyes. You couldn’t figure out why.

“You hid from her,” Zuko finished your thought.

You nodded.

“You let me hide in your room,” you recalled. “Remember? Azula punched me. I ran to the first quiet place I could find and accidentally went to your room.”

Zuko hummed.

“You were crying,” he added, “and your eye was all red and swollen.”

“You held me.”

Zuko’s eyes fixed on you. He didn’t say anything, though he remembered; you burst through his half open door, sniffling, tears and spittle running down your cheeks and chin. It was the first time Azula had actually, physically hurt you, and you were terrified and confused. He asked if you were okay, and you shook your head. Being so young, the only thing he could think to do was hug you, since that’s what his mother did to make him feel better, and you clung to him, sobbing into his shirt and using his much bigger body for protection. After that day, he let you use his bedroom as a hiding place whenever Azula got to be too much - until she found out about it and started teasing you about wedding dresses and baby names.

“We were friends,” you breathed. “I wish we still were.”

There was a long silence in which the two of you stared out at the horizon, down the steep hill leading to the vacation house and into the ocean. The moon hung in a small sliver, barely flickering across the calm waters that rocked below; you could hear the gentle rush of waves as they crawled over the sand and shrunk back into themselves, creating a calming din that echoed up to where you sat.

“... I still remember your favorite game to play with me,” Zuko said into the warm air between you. “Those times you hid in my room. You used to pretend to be a Kyoshi warrior. My mom gave you one of her old fans and we’d jump on and off my bed, trying to catch each other.”

You grinned.

“I would wrap myself around your legs to keep you from walking,” you recalled.

Zuko laughed.

“I loved that,” he admitted. “It used to make me laugh so hard when we were kids.”

He looked over to you, and you turned to face him as well. The anger in his eyes was gone completely, in its place a warm, steady sadness that made you ache.

“I miss you,” he whispered.

You reached cautiously for his hand, relieved when he slid his fingers between yours and gripped your palm tightly.

“I miss you, too,” you replied. “I’m sorry I let Azula drive me away from you.”

Zuko wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tender embrace. Your hands latched together on either side of his back, gripping into his shirt a little bit as you buried your face in his shoulder. He felt and smelled the same as he did when you were little; hard like the walls of a sturdy house and sweet like the last embers in a fireplace.

You didn’t know how long you held each other, but when you broke apart, you sat together for ages, existing in silence on the steps of his childhood house and beside one another. You felt small again, but in the best way - you felt like the girl who was brave enough to cut through the branches of a maple tree so your tormenter would fall out of them.

“I want to run away,” you blurted. “I could be someone totally different if I weren’t stuck here.”

“If you do, I’ll go with you,” Zuko said. “We can be different people together.”

You grinned, leaning your shoulder against his.

“We could move to Kyoshi Island,” you suggested. “I’m too old to start warrior training now, but we could start a business. Open an inn or something.”

Zuko chuckled at the thought.

“I’ll call myself Lee,” he mused, “and you can go by Izumi.”

“Maybe we could be married. And we could adopt orphan children and cats.”

“Just cats. You can’t emotionally destroy a cat like you can with a kid.”

You glanced over at him, noticing the hard gleam in his eye. You wrapped your arms around his bicep, holding him close to you.

“You’re not your father, Zuko,” you whispered. “You don’t want to be.”

Zuko nodded. He reached for one of your hands, curling his own around it.

“... I feel like I am going to leave,” he said, “at some point. When I do… will you stay? So that I have at least one friendly face to come home to someday?”

You nodded, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

“I will,” you promised. “And when you do, I’ll give you Azula’s severed head as a homecoming present.”

Zuko laughed at that.

{ epilogue }

#requests #muerta's works #zuko #prince zuko #zuko fluff #prince zuko fluff #zuko angst #zuko x reader #zuko x you #prince zuko x reader #prince zuko x you #zuko fanfic #prince zuko fanfic #zuko x reader fluff #zuko x reader angst #atla fanfic #avatar fanfiction

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amanda-teaches · 5 years ago

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Til Death Do Us Part? (1)

Series Summary: At a work party with your best friend, Dean, you panic when your new boss asks if you’re couple. Lying to protect your promotion, you wind up fake engaged before you can take it back. When Dean agrees to go along with your lie for a weekend retreat, you end up finding something neither of you had bargained for: love.

Pairing: AU Dean x Reader

Square filled: Fake Dating/Marriage for @spndeanbingo, Fake Marriage for @spngenrebingo, Mistaken for a couple for @spnfluffbingo, “He’s always been there for me through all my terrible relationships and shit, and I can tell him anything” for @spnquotebingo

Word Count: 2135

Warnings: A hint of future angst, some swearing, fluff

A/N: This is the first part of a little mini-series I’ve been working on. It will probably be around 3-4 parts, or more depending on how much fluffy cuteness I plop in the middle, but I’m pretty excited about it, so I wanted to share the first part with you all to see what you think. I hope you like it! Let me know! I haven’t finished writing yet, so you never know if your reactions may influence the series. ;)

Til Death Do Us Part? Masterlist

In the dead of the night, sitting on a deserted train station bench in the middle of the pouring rain, you finally felt safe enough to let yourself cry.

So, you sobbed. All alone, in the silky, golden evening gown that you’d felt so goddamn beautiful in, you sobbed, the tears running down your face and into your already-wet hair.

You pulled the note out of your pocket, watching as the words began to smear and run down the page.

To the Future Mrs. Winchester,

You look gorgeous tonight. Just like every night. Remember to save me a dance.

You closed your eyes and cried even harder, the sobs wracking your body. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. It was all supposed to be fake, a means to an end, one friend helping another...

You weren’t supposed to fall in love.

Damn that Dean Winchester.

One week and two days earlier…

You opened up the dating app on your phone, and scrolled through the dozens of “hey, sexy” and “what r u wearing?” messages before closing it again in disgust. “Oh my God, what’s the point of this stupid thing?”

Your best friend, Francesca, plopped down on the couch beside you, a bowl of popcorn in her hands, and looked over at your phone with a smirk. “The wonderful world of online dating?”

“How did you ever guess?” you answered sarcastically, amusement softening your tone. “Geez, it’s crazy! For every nice guy I find, there’s like 100 creeps.”

“Hey, what happened to that one guy? The therapist?”

You groaned. “He tried to psychoanalyze me all night. Wound up crying on my shoulder over his repressed daddy issues.”

“The architect?”

“Drew up the plans for our dream house within the first 10 minutes of the date.”

“The musician?”

“Texted his ex the whole night.”

She laughed and shook her head. “God, am I glad that I’m married.” Then, she turned to you, tucking a leg underneath her. “Hey, when are you going to give up on this whole online dating thing and just go out with Dean?”

Rolling your eyes, you shook your head. “I’ve told you a thousand times. Dean and I are just friends.”

“Oh, sure,” she laughed. “Just friends who text everyday, spend hours on Facetime with each other, and act as each other’s emotional support systems. Y/N, you’re practically married. The only thing missing is the sex.”

“Francesca!” you cried, an undercurrent of laughter running through your voice. “We are not practically married. Look, I love Dean, he’s always been there for me through all my terrible relationships and shit, and I can tell him anything, but that’s all it is. We’re just friends, I swear.”

She looked at you for another moment, skepticism filling her eyes. “Mhmm, keep telling yourself that. I’m just saying, you could do a lot worse than Dean Winchester. You don’t snap him up now, someone else will. And, ‘just friends’ or not, Y/N, I can guarantee, if that happens, you’re gonna regret not going for it.”

She sat back, focusing on her popcorn and queueing up the movie for the night, but you stayed staring straight ahead, her words lingering in your head. You wanted Dean to be happy, to find someone, just like you were trying to. You wouldn’t regret that if it happened...right?

Picking up your phone again, you stared at the picture of you and Dean that lived on your lockscreen, a smile playing at the corners of your mouth. You were going to see him tomorrow. He was your “date” to a party your new boss was throwing to get to know everyone, but you’d only asked him because you didn’t want to go alone. He was always your plus one to these kinds of things, and vice versa. You both knew it was strictly as friends, there wasn’t anything more than that. Besides, you were sure that the two of you could never really work.

At least that’s what you kept telling yourself.

The sound of Dean’s Impala rumbling up to your house the next morning made your heartbeat a little faster than you were willing to admit. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath to calm yourself and grabbed your purse and phone, heading towards the door. You were sitting in his passenger seat in no time at all, with him smiling at you from across the bench seat.

“Ready to impress the new boss?”

“Hell yeah,” you nodded. “Thanks for coming with me. I hate doing these things alone.”

“Course,” he replied, shifting the car into gear with an easy smile on your face. “You know how impressive I naturally am.”

“Mhmm,” you laughed, shaking your head slightly. He grinned and winked at you, pulling the car into the street on the way to the “garden party” as your boss was calling it.

You were expecting some sort of outdoor barbecue/picnic situation, but when Dean pulled up in front of the mini mansion the address led to, and you saw the valets parking the cars, you were glad you’d worn your nicest sun dress.

“Damn,” he whistled, under his breath, staring out the dashboard. “Who’s your new boss, Richie Rich?”

“Apparently,” you muttered, still in disbelief. “I was not expecting this when I woke up this morning.”

“But, good news,” Dean pointed out, stopping his car in the middle of the circular driveway. “I bet the free food’s gonna be out of this world.”

You laughed as Dean got out, rushing around to your side of the car to open the door for you. You smiled and thanked him, and, after watching him warn the valet to treat his baby better than his own mother, he escorted you inside, your arm intertwined with his. He whispered something that made you laugh again, and you leaned into him, whispering back, as if being this close was the most natural thing in the world. If only it was this easy with every other guy.

When you got to the backyard, Dean dropped your arm, making a beeline for the rows of white-linen tables stacked with food. You started to follow him, but, when you spotted your new boss out of the corner of your eye, you changed tactics, wanting to make a good impression on her before she was inundated with too many people.

“Clarissa, hi,” you stammered, a little awkwardly, once you reached her. “You have a beautiful home.”

“Thank you,” she said politely, turning to you. She studied you for a brief second before recognition registered, and her eyes lit up, a genuine smile replacing the formal one. “Oh! Y/N, right?”

“Uh, yes, yes!” You couldn’t believe she remembered your name already. Since you were one of four people vying for a coveted promotion at the company, this could be your big chance. “I’d really love to get a chance to talk with you about my thoughts on the Newman project.”

“Oh, of course, dear,” she humored you, dismissing the work talk by looking around. “Where did that nice young man that you came in with go?”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “Oh, Dean? He went to get us some food.”

“That’s so sweet of him. You’ve got yourself a good one there.”

“Oh no, we’re just…”

“You know,” she said, cutting you off. “There’s a couple’s retreat next weekend for some of the higher ups in the firm, a little bonding experience, so to say. There’s an open spot left. Maybe you and your young man could come?” She leaned in and gave you a conspiratorial wink. “We’d have plenty of time to talk more if you were there.”

“A couple’s retreat?” you repeated back, growing flustered. “But, Dean and I, we aren’t…”

She glanced at your ring finger. “Oh, dear, you two aren’t married yet. Such a shame. Unfortunately, the retreat is for married and engaged couples only.” She sighed, staring down at her mimosa. “Oh, I guess I’ll have to give Stuart your spot.”

Stuart? Oh, no way in hell. That guy had been gunning for your promotion for well over a year. You panicked, looking over at Dean, who’d piled two plates full of food over at the buffet. Watching him, you imagined your promotion flying away, and you blurted out the only hail mary you could think of. “Wait! Dean and I are engaged!”

Clarissa’s eyes widened with excitement. “Oh, really?! I didn’t see a ring, so I just assumed.”

“Oh, well,” you bluffed, struggling to think of a believable cover. “It’s all pretty recent, so the ring’s, uh, getting resized. But, yes, we’re engaged. Fully committed and engaged to be married.”

“That’s wonderful!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands. “Then, you two can come to the retreat next weekend! It’s up at the Mountview, all inclusive.”

You whistled under your breath. Damn, the Mountview. It cost like 1,000 a night to stay there. Suddenly, you realized what you were doing, and you knew this innocent little lie was spiraling way out of control.

“Actually…”

She waved you off, looking over your shoulder. “This is so great! I’ve heard really great things about you, Y/N. I can’t wait for you and your fiance to knock the socks off our executives. Now, if you’ll excuse me for just a second.”

Before you could stop her, she was gone, having spotted someone across the room. You were left standing alone, and, looking up, you spotted Dean smiling at you from across the lawn, holding up his plates of food triumphantly.

Oh God, were you screwed.

“YOU SAID WHAT?!”

You looked around for a second, putting your hand on his chest to quiet him. “Shh, someone might hear.”

“So fuckin’ what if they hear, Y/N! You told your boss we were engaged!”

“I know, I know,” you whispered. You grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him further into the hallway off the doors to the backyard, so your argument would be blocked from where the party was still going on, in full swing. “I’m an idiot, okay? I fully admit that.”

He looked down at you and exhaled heavily, running his hand through his hair. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I don’t know!” you sputtered, beginning to ramble. “She thought we were a couple, and I tried to explain we were just friends, but then she kept talking and talking, and the retreat was all BAM, Mountview! And, then, then, she wanted to invite Stuart, I mean Stuart, of all people, and I just panicked, and, I...”

“Okay, okay,” he chuckled, placing his hands firmly on your shoulders. “Chill before you pass out on me. Deep breaths.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, leaning into him. He immediately wrapped his arms around you, the argument instantly forgotten, and pulled you into a warm, safe hug. “I’m so sorry…” you mumbled against his chest. “I just wanted that promotion so bad, I think I went a little crazy. I’ll go out there right now and tell her the truth.”

He sighed, his breath ghosting against your hair. “Maybe you shouldn’t.”

Pulling back, you looked up at him, puzzled. “What?”

“Well, you already told her we were engaged, and if you backtrack now, she’s going to think you’re a crazy liar. Besides, it’s only one weekend, right?”

“Wait, are you saying we should actually go? And, pretend to be engaged?”

His face split into an eager smile. “Yeah. We’re best friends, so we already know everything about each other. How hard can fake marriage be? We pretend to be engaged for a weekend, you get your promotion, then we ‘break up’ and decide we’re better off as friends. No one’s any wiser.”

You stared at him for a second, the ramifications of his plan running through your head. Francesca’s words came screaming back at you. “Y/N, you’re practically married. The only thing missing is the sex.” Dean was right, you did know everything about each other. How hard could it be to fake a relationship for a weekend. “Are you sure?” you asked sincerely. “I mean, really, really sure.”

He nodded, taking your hands in his and dropping to his knee with a dramatic flourish. “Y/N Y/L/N, will you fake marry me?”

You laughed looking down at him, the sight of his goofy grin instantly bringing a smile to your face. You nodded, agreeing, but, no matter how much you tried to ignore the voice in the back of your head, Francesca’s other words lingered. “You don’t snap him up now, someone else will. And, ‘just friends’ or not, Y/N, I can guarantee, if that happens, you’re gonna regret not going for it.”

Shit, you really were in over your head this time.

Forevers- @atc74 @babypieandwhiskey @be-amaziing @carryonmywaywardcaptain @deans-dirty-writer @deanwanddamons @deanwinchesterswitch @dolphincliffs @edgeofreality35 @emoryhemsworth @focusonspn @hannahindie @heyitscam99 @impala-dreamer @impandagrl @karikatz12481 @katymacsupernatural @maddiepants @masksandtruths @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @mysterious-398 @ohmychuckitssamanddean @pinknerdpanda @roxyspearing @spnbaby-67 @squirrel-moose-winchester @wi-deangirl77 @wonderfulworldofwinchester

Dean Tags - @adoptdontshoppets @akshi8278 @alexwinchester23 @dean-winchesters-bacon @squirrelnotsam

#spndeanbingo #spngenrebingo #spnfluffbingo #spnquotebingo #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean x reader #new series #til death do us part?

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saffronwritings · 4 years ago

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C L U M S Y | K I R I S H I M A PART TWO

We were bound to make a mess of things; mixin' fireworks and gasoline. Never meant to make you fall with me.

K I R I S H I M A | P A R T T W O

[Part One] [Part Three]

C L U M Y M A S T E R L I S T

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: I am so sorry for how long it took me to post something. I had a lot of technical issues plus the biggest case of writer’s block. I plan to also have part three of both Kirishima’s and Iida’s story at some point this week. I’ll be working hard! I hope you enjoy :)

In the days to follow, Kirishima could still feel the ghost of your lips against his own. Thinking of the act would make him flush red and he would try to shake it from his immediate thoughts. He tried so very hard to push those thoughts of his feelings for you aside, but you lingered no matter what he did to distract himself.

You had also tried to move on past what had happened the night of the dorm party. The very next day, Kirishima had acted like the encounter never happened. You knew better, he was trying to hide his feelings away from the very perceptive Bakugou. You kept trying to forget about the kiss. However, you failed to do so. Anytime the two of you would potentially get a glimpse of one another, you would shy away.

Kirishima really could not deny his feelings for you, but was he really willing to risk his friendship with Bakugou? The question nagged him every single time he saw the two of you together. You genuinely seemed very happy whenever you were hanging out with Bakugou. Even Bakugou's harsh demeanor would slowly fade away when you came close to him. He would soften up instantly with you by his side. So, who was Kirishima to ruin something as beautiful and manly as a healthy relationship?

You, on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking about what you had done. The small kiss that plagued you with guilt every time Bakugou pecked you on the cheek or even on the lips. It wasn't that long after the incident that Bakugou decided to kiss you. You had betrayed your boyfriend by kissing Kirishima first- his best friend. You were upset that Kirishima had not said anything until after you had agreed to go out with Bakugou. Of course, you and he were great friends. However, you couldn't deny the feelings that had risen over time. After every training session, after every study session, after every hangout.

You had just assumed he had only seen you as his female best friend - like a sister. So, when Bakugou began to show interest, you decided to keep Kirishima as your friend and pursue Bakugou. There was no denying that the two of you were opposites when it came to personalities. Yet, there was something about his brash behavior that really pulled you in. Not only that, but you enjoyed that he took his training seriously and even aimed to be the number one hero.

With that, however, came days where he had become very stingy. If he had lost a battle or fight against Izuku he would immediately become sour the rest of the day. Not that he ever took out his frustrations on you - however, you didn't enjoy being yelled at. Obviously, that should have been a given when you first signed up to being Katsuki's girlfriend. That wouldn't make it any easier on you when he snapped at you when you did your best to cheer him up.

Sometimes you felt like doing your best was not enough.

Today was one of those instances where Izuku had outshined all the training Bakugou had done. Everyone was very impressed with Izuku's new shoot style, while only you and the Bakusquad had noticed Katsuki's new moves. When you went up to your boyfriend after training was over, you had not anticipated him to smack your hand away from him. "Hey, it's not that bad Katsuki." You tried to soothe his anger.

"BACK OFF. YOU ARE BEING SO CLINGY AND ANNOYING RIGHT NOW." He yelled at you, a fire in his eyes. You shrunk away from his shout. He turned away from you and stomped back to the locker room. You felt breathless - like you had been punched in the gut. Defeated by this development, you had also ventured off to the locker room to get changed.

You didn't see Bakugou on your way back to the dorms and this left you feeling disgruntled. "Hey, is everything okay, Y/N?" You heard Kirishima ask from behind you. Turning around quickly, you noticed Kirishima's awkward disposition of being near you. "Bakugou got pretty heated at me after training today." You admitted in defeat. He nodded towards Heights Alliance and you two walked together in silence.

"About the other day-" Both of you had started to say at the same time. Realizing you were not just both speaking at the same time, but also talking about the same thing you both quietly returned to silence. "I shouldn't have forced you to kiss me the other day. I put us both in a strange and awkward situation. You shouldn't feel like you can't hang out with Bakugou and I." You broke the silence, apologizing for your misdeed. He seemed taken aback by your apology for some reason - almost upset by it. "I would be lying if I said I actually enjoyed it. I was shocked for sure. I just don't want to hurt Bakugou." He admitted.

A blush spread itself over your face as you realized he had walked you all the way back to your dorm room. Your heart was racing a million miles an hour and you felt like you were feint. "I really don't want things to be awkward between us, Kiri." You admitted with a sigh. "Done. We are back too normal." He said with a reassuring smile. "Are you sure? Things have been pretty tense and weird between the two of us ever since I kissed you." You whispered, feeling your face flush even darker. You had looked down at your feet because you could almost feel yourself slipping over your own words. "Only because I was afraid it was going to affect our friendship. If you say that you want it to be the same, then it stays the same. Simple as that." He said, lifting your chin to meet his gaze.

There it was again. The undeniable and irresistible urge to kiss him.

You reached backwards and fumbled around until you got your dorm room door open. Kirishima gave you a questioning look before you had wrapped your hand around his wrist and drug him into your room. You slammed the door shut quickly before anyone else could see. "If you wanted to hang out or study or something, you could have just ask-" Kirishima started to say but you quickly cut him off by kissing him. It was awkward and rushed. You went to pull back, realizing the mistake you had once again made. However, you were held back by powerful arms holding your waist. Kirishima had deepened the kiss this time instead of fleeing.

The feeling of his lips on your just felt right in every way. The kisses were slow and curious - as if studying each other's mouths in case this wouldn't happen again. You wanted to commit the shape of Kirishima's lips to memory. His one hand traveled up to your face and cupped your cheek, rubbing his thumb against your jaw line. You had one hand on the base of his neck - ready to pull him back if he dared tried to pull away. The other was in his spikey hair, gently pulling it as if telling him you wanted to be closer. As if you two weren't close enough already.

You had broken the kiss to gasp for air. Your head was feeling light and dizzy from being both intoxicated with his kisses and from not breathing properly. He had his forehead resting against yours, breaths also coming in quickly. That kiss said volumes. You two had feelings for each other. Yet, neither of you knew what to do with them. You didn't want to break Bakugou's heart and he didn't want to hurt his best friend by stealing his girl away from him.

"What on earth are we going to do, Y/N." Kirishima sighed, nuzzling his head into your neck. Walking backwards you yet again drug him away from his original standing point. You sat down on your bed and patted the spot next to you for him to join you. He raised his eyebrow towards you. "Please. Just for a few moments." You pleaded. "Okay, okay. Just be warned. I give the best cuddles." He smirked, quickly snuggling up to you in the comfort and warmth of your bed.

A giggle escaped your lips as you two lazily draped limbs over one another. You sighed in content being so close to him. Everything with him felt natural. As wrong as this situation was you couldn't help but feel at peace being next to him. "I hate the situation." You whined. Kirishima nodded his head in silence. Both of you knew this was wrong. Both of you knew that this was going to end up hurting feelings of someone. Yet, there was a tug in your stomach that couldn't help but want both. You really liked Bakugou, even on the bad days.

You knew that in a few hours he would text you an apology and make it up to you the next day. However, you knew with Kirishima you wouldn't have those kinds of days. It would have been easy - effortless. He would treat you so well. The only issue is you knew if you broke up with Bakugou, he would become very cold towards you. You even considered talking it out with him but considering his hot-headed nature, you knew it wouldn't go well either way.

Kirishima could feel your head turning. What should have been a peaceful look on your face was struggling with what to do. He was being selfish, but for once it felt so good to be. Kirishima hated to see you so distraught and hated it even more that your boyfriend caused it. He wanted to erase away your pain, to help you forget the mean things his best friend had said to you. He could go talk to Bakugou. That wouldn't work though. No matter how many times any of the Bakusquad would tell him to be softer to you, he would still revert to his true nature.

A defeated sigh escaped Kiri's lips which made you look over at him. "We could keep this a secret." He suggested, finally getting the courage to look you in the eyes. Your eyes went wide at his suggestion. "That's not fair to you though!" You exclaimed, almost attempting to sit up. However, Kirishima had you tightly in his grasp and you weren't going anywhere. "No, but at least I would get some of you. At least for now. Until we can find a better solution." He admitted.

The gears were turning in your head and you couldn't help but be a bit giddy that you had the chance to experience things with Kirishima. While it made you slightly nervous about lying and going behind Katsuki's back, you were also a bit thrilled about it. "Okay, if you are okay with it." You nodded, a smile building up on your face. Seeing your smile made Kirishima's heart melt. "Of course." He confirmed, brushing the tip of your nose with his lips.

So that's what the two of you did. Things seemingly went back to normal between the two of you as friends. Even Bakugou mentioned he was glad there was no longer the weird tension between the two of you. You all hung out again like nothing had ever happened and no one had the slightest inclination as to what was going on. The routine was simple, you'd act normal throughout the day. However, after school you told everyone you were tutoring Kirishima in one of your classes because he was falling behind. No one batted an eyelash your way. This was typical for the two of you and no one suspected anything.

Yet, behind closed doors were roaming lips and hands. There had been few times where the two of you had dangerously fallen asleep after a much-needed cuddle session and he would have to sneak out of your dorm. "I wish I could just, tell Bakugou how it is and just be done with all this." You groaned after a nice hefty kissing session between the two of you. "You always could." Kirishima suggested boldly. "He would explode." You countered at him; eyebrows furrowed. Kirishima had rolled his eyes at your statement.

"How long do we plan to just sneak around? I want to do everything right with you. Take you out on dates, buy you flowers, be a gentleman." He admitted, a soft blush rising to his own neck. "I don't know. I've been trying to distance myself from Katsuki, but he doesn't seem to mind. I forgot that sometimes the man likes solitude." You grumbled, going over to your bed, and flopping backwards onto it. A smirk slowly crossed Kirishima's face and he quickly went over to you on your bed. He jumped onto it, hovering over you.

A blush once again found itself on your face. He captured your lips with his own. His hands wondering around your body with a heat building up between the two of you. In between kisses he would praise you for how beautiful you were. Your head was in a tizzy from the attack of kissing he was giving you.

However, you had forgotten you told Bakugou he could drop off some extra food he had made after he was done his training. The door burst open, having Kirishima immediately fall off the bed and land straight on his butt. You looked into very angry looking red eyes. The two of you looked like deer caught in headlights. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON." Bakugou shouted.

Taglist:

@devildom-express

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queen-haq · 4 years ago

Photo

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 2

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and some smutty stuff.

Words: ~2000 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to any kind of emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...

Part 1

Credit for the gif: @chiara-mastroianni

~~~~

You smiled up at Billy. “Or does Madani not let you stray?”

Understanding dawned on his face. “So that’s what this is about.”

“I’m not going to ask again, Billy. Let me go,” you warned him.

He released his grip on your arm but instead of backing off, he moved forward, effectively trapping you against the terrace banister with his arms caging you on either side. Your heart started pounding at his close proximity, your body already arching towards him, remembering when he fucked you against one of the pillars in his underground parking lot – but you refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much your body craved him. So you glared up at him defiantly, your lips pursed into a thin line.

“Remind me, Y/N, when did we agree to be exclusive? Did I take some kind of fucking vow to be faithful to you and not remember?” Billy jeered.

You scoffed at him, shaking your head. “Only an idiot would expect you to be exclusive.”

“Then what’s with the attitude?”

“There is no attitude. I’m just done with you.”

“And I want to know why.”

“I’m sorry. Did I agree to share my feelings with you and not remember?” you mocked, mimicking his earlier tone.

“You and I had a good thing going. We were having fun. No expectations, no disappointments.”

“And part of what made it fun was knowing we could end it at any point, without any drama.” You lifted your eyebrow, giving him a questioning glance. “Unless that’s the issue. If this is about your ego, feel free to tell people you dumped me.”

He smirked. “You think I go around bragging about my women?”

You stiffened. He wouldn’t even take you out on a proper date when you were sleeping with him, of course he wasn’t going to tell anyone about fucking you.

“I don’t kiss and tell, sweetheart. Now that Roger guy though, he seems like the kind of asshole that would go around bragging about fucking you.” He took a step closer and you retreated back, grabbing the ledge behind you. Instantly you regretted the move because now your body was flushed against Billy’s and your breasts were pressed tightly against his. The smile on his face indicated he was enjoying this change in position.

“This brings back memories,” Billy murmured, his gaze roving languidly over your face.

His knee slid in between your legs, forcing your knees to part, and suddenly you felt his hand trailing between your thighs, caressing your skin just the way you liked it. Your breathing grew ragged, it took every bit of strength you had not to close your eyes and moan with pleasure. His fingers teased your pussy over the panties, stroking you expertly, friction from the lace fabric rubbing against your core providing an added layer of sensation, and the smug smile on his face told you he enjoyed how wet you were because of him.

You bit down on your lip to avoid groaning. He was watching you closely, waiting for you to fall apart, but your refusal to express your pleasure only encouraged him to play with you more.

“You don’t want this to stop.” He circled your clit with a light touch, knowing full well you preferred it when he applied more pressure. God, he was so good with his hands and your body ached for him when his fingers curved inside of you, thumb tapping your clit. “I make you feel good, Y/N, better than anyone else ever has,” he murmured, his lips grazing the top of your forehead.

It was the arrogance behind his words that brought you crashing back to reality. Because, yeah, he made your body come alive like no one had ever done before but he also made you feel like absolute shit that night you saw him with Madani. Great sex or not, you never wanted to feel that worthless again. So you pulled his hand from between your legs and squeezed your thighs together, making sure to send him a condescending glance when he expressed a sigh of disappointment. “I have a vibrator, Billy. It does what you just did, but better.”

You’re not sure what kind of response you expected but it certainly wasn’t the soft smile he was giving you. The way he was beaming at you right now was making you uncomfortable, because it was another expression you weren’t used to seeing from him. Eyes still fixed on you, he wiped his slick fingers on his trousers.

His voice was pure rasp when he spoke next. “Let me take you home tonight.”

You couldn’t believe his audacity. “No. You should go home with your date.”

“Dinah won’t mind. She and I feel the same way about each other.”

“Yes, I know. I’ve seen you two together.” You regretted the words the moment they came out of your mouth.

“Where?” he demanded.

You crossed your elbows, not looking at him.

“You knew what this,” he gestured between you and him, “was from the very beginning. I never lied to you about it. So if you’re in love with me-”

“Oh, fuck off!” You interjected, irritated. “I don’t love you.”

“Then what’s the problem? Why are you upset about Dinah?”

You glared at him, silent but defiant. You learned a long time ago not to give people ammunition, and telling him how he made you feel when you found out he was ashamed of you - that was giving him power to destroy you. You understood human nature all too well, and you knew Billy – far better than he even realized – and you had no doubt he’d use it against you every opportunity he got.

“Man, I used to think I was messed up about opening up to people. But you can’t even tell me why you’re mad. That’s just fucked up on another level.”

“Oh, really?” You leveled him with a hostile stare. “Is it as fucked up as keeping your mother locked up in an old home and then paying off the manager every time she files a complaint about you?”

The change in Billy was instantaneous, going from slightly agitated to fully angry. You felt your stomach coil with anxiety at the way he was eyeballing you. He was in full attack mode, a true predator, but then the coping mechanism you’d perfected over the years kicked in and soon you felt in control again.

“How the fuck do you know about that?” Molten eyes filled with hostility were focused on you. “How long have you been stalking me?”

You rolled your eyes. “I make my living acquiring private information, and that gets a lot easier when people like you love flashy gadgets. The old home also keeps all of their records online. Really stupid of them, frankly.”

Anger etched on his face, Billy grasped the back of your neck and pulled you close. “You made a big mistake nosing around in my business.”

You straightened your spine, challenging him. “No, a big mistake would be threatening me.” He loosened his grip but his hands still remained on your neck, warmth heating your skin. “I don’t give a fuck about Anvil and all the shady shit you’re involved in. I only researched you when I cared enough to do it. Now my interest has fizzled.”

“How long have you known about my mother?”

“Months,” you answered honestly.

“Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“Because you and I didn’t have the kind of a relationship where we talked.”

“So you knew my mother was filing complaints about me and you just sat on it. You did nothing,” he remarked, watching you keenly.

“I read through the reports. If I saw you were hurting her in any way, I would’ve probably done something. But she just mostly complained about you being an asshole.” You shrugged your shoulders. “And I don’t have a lot of sympathy for shitty parents.”

Silence ensued, with Billy still peering at you. “Aren’t you going to ask me why I treat her that way?”

“I told you. You no longer interest me.”

“But you’ve suddenly become very fascinating to me.” His hand, still on your neck, trailed a heated blaze to your front. He was no longer looking at you, instead his eyes seemed to be concentrated on the base of your throat. You wondered if he was contemplating choking you. Well, if he tried that, you were prepared to knee him in the groin. But no, eventually his hand stirred, sliding down your body, over the golden sheath of your dress, settling over your right breast.

He was hard, you felt his erection pressed against you, even more so when his other hand spanned the small of your back and deliberately ground your hips against his. “You smell so good,” he moaned.

“Thank you.”

He grinned, apparently amused by your politeness. “Wear this dress the next time we go out,” he murmured in your ear, playing with your hardened nipple.

“There isn’t going to be a next time,” you replied with great difficulty, trying not to get lost in the sensation of his hands on you.

A surprised moan escaped you when he unexpectedly knelt down in front of you. For a moment you worried he was going to go down on you right there, and you knew all your resolve would melt instantly if he did. Because as much as he’d hurt you, you simply didn’t have the will power to resist him when he fucked you with his mouth. So you breathed an internal sign of relief when Billy seemed to have other plans, his hands smoothing up your naked legs, past your thighs, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your panties and slowly pulling them down. He was gentle in his touch as he guided the fabric down the length of your legs until they lay crumpled around your heels. Instinctively you balanced your weight on his shoulders as you stepped out of them.

He picked up the lacey underwear, sending you a lopsided smile from his kneeling position on the floor. “A keepsake from tonight.”

You didn’t know what to say so you simply stared ahead while he stood up to his full height. Your eyes darted between the door leading back to the ballroom and Billy’s movements as he slipped your panties in the inside pocket of his tuxedo jacket.

When he tried to hold your face in his hands, you attempted to brush him off but he was stronger and eventually you gave in and grudgingly met his eyes. “What?” you muttered.

“I missed you.”

“Sure you did.”

He exhaled a frustrated sigh. “Okay, fine. I’ll end things with Madani.”

“Don’t do me any favours, Billy. I don’t need anything from you,” you sneered.

“Because you have your trusty vibrator?” he taunted. “Sweetheart, that thing isn’t going to be enough for you.”

You straightened the lapels of his jacket. “And clingy doesn’t look good on you.”

“I look the best when I’m wrapped around you.”

You shouldn’t have laughed but you couldn’t help how incorrigible he looked at that moment. “You and I are done.”

“Everything okay out here, Y/N?”

You were never more grateful for Davina coming out to check on you. She was exactly the dose of reality you needed to step away from Billy. “Everything’s fine,” you reassured her, walking towards the door.

“I’ll see you soon, Y/N,” he called out from behind.

“Only in your nightmares, Billy,” you replied without glancing back.

The sound of his laughter echoed in your ears as you came back inside.

Part 3

A/N – Thank you for the wonderful feedback on Part 1. I wasn’t expecting it so it was an amazing surprise. I haven’t felt that good about one of my pieces in a long time so I just really wanted to express all of my gratitude. If you’d like me to tag you in future chapters, please comment and I’ll happily do so. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know your thoughts 😊

Tag List

@voyevoda-thejoy @adreamemporium @queenmalhinewahine @gubleryum @galaxyjane @xceafh @maralisa124 @tomhollandisabae @daybleedsintonightfa11 @lil-baby-nor @all-art-is-quite-useless @tanyaherondale @nashibirne @dour-trash @thetallassgirl

@athenamikaelson @agent-jbarnes @primadonnasdream @aleksanderwh0r3 @elisemockingbird @nihilismworld @archisur

#billy russo x reader #billy russo #billy russo imagine #ben barnes #the punisher

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theres-a-goldensky · 5 years ago

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26 + 2 Various BL Series Fic Recs

Fandoms included in this fic rec list: Love By Chance, TharnType, Until We Meet Again, My Engineer, 2 Moons, HIStory3: Trapped (plus a bit of bonus Theory of Love and WHY R U?)

I’ve found a handful of good fics for all of these tiny pairings that I am newly obsessed with, and I thought I’d share them with you if you’re also looking for something good to read. Please, if you have recs of your own, point me in the direction of any other good stuff!

As ever, feel free to reblog and check out my other rec lists for the following fandoms:

The Untamed list one and two - various pairings, mostly Wangxian

IT chapter 2 list one and two - Reddie

Good Omens - Aziraphale/Crowley

Or just head over to my bookmarks on AO3.

(All recs are complete) (I’ve noted pairings, length, and rating, but not any warnings or additional tags.)

** denotes personal favorite

LOVE BY CHANCE / THARNTYPE

1. the count up series by sweetiejelly - Tin/Can - ~34,000 words, explicit - A fix-it fic post-canon where Tin and Can slowly work out their issues with some missteps and learning along the way.

So two weeks later, when Can first does it, Tin doesn't know what to do. For the longest while, he just turns off his phone screen. And then turns it back on.

good night, tin. it's been a while but i promised to say good night. so, good night, sleep well.

Every damn time the text is still there.

In the end, Tin deletes it.

The next morning, Can does it again.

good morning, tin. looks like rain today. don't forget your umbrella.

Tin deletes it.

The texts keep coming.

2. ** LBC Aftermath series by Mara - LBC/TharnType crossover- ~6700 words, mature - Were you too horrified by Techno’s ending in LBC? This author feels your pain and did her part to get some justice for Techno. This fic has zero sympathy for Kengkla, which I deeply appreciated. This will help you work out some of your anger. It features LBC!Techno and the TharnType versions of Tharn and Type. Mind the warnings, since this deals with the serious consequences of Kengkla’s actions.

Kengkla stayed at the house through the morning and Techno was so jumpy he nearly leaped out of his skin every time Kla looked at him or talked to him. Even though Kla had explained what happened and how he wasn’t upset to be dating, Techno still felt weird. He kind of wished he remembered what had happened. A guy should remember how he lost his virginity, right?

Kla grabbed him in a big hug and Techno froze, managing a weak grin when Kla pulled back to smile at him. “I’ve got to go home now. But I’ll call you later. Let me know if you go somewhere.”

“O-okay.” Techno stared as the boy let himself out the front door.

3. 5 + 1 by strokeofluck - Tin/Can- ~3600 words, rated general - This is a sweet story about the times when Pete sees Tin having feelings for Can.

Pete weighed his options as he glanced back and forth between Tin and Can. Can didn’t seem to be bothered by the whole thing, he even had a shy smile on his face. Or at least, Pete thought it was a shy smile, he had never really seen this kind of expression coming from Can before.

He could let this whole thing go, he supposed, but he didn’t really want to. It was time for him to finally say to Tin: I told you so.

“You were born in Bangkok,” he said, casting a wide net and hoping Can would find himself caught in it.

Can did.

4. That Testified Surprise by Mara - Techno/Tharn/Type - ~7000 words, mature - This is a LBC canon rewrite that stars the TharnType version of all three characters. Type realizes something is not...quite...right with Kengkla and invites Techno to stay with him and Tharn instead of going home drunk.

Pouring Techno into the passenger seat, Type sat down in the driver’s seat and pulled the phone out to check it, entering the passcode. (The passcode was the birthday of Thai national football team captain Siwarak Tedsungnoen, of course. Duh.)

Fuck, it looked like Nic had been either texting or calling every 20 minutes since they got to the bar. What was up there?

Scrolling back through the evening’s texts, Type scowled harder. Loving brother or not, this was fucking creepy. Going back farther, it looked like it was a pattern. Did the kid do anything other than pester his brother about his whereabouts?

THARNTYPE

5. everything he wants by minkit - ~5100 words, explicit - Type accidentally ruins one of Tharn’s shirts and agrees to do whatever Tharn wants to make up for it. Which means it’s porn stretched over the bare bones of a plot, and it’s great.

Tharn’s hands moved across the bed, slowly, inch by inch and it was frustrating because Type knew they were heading to him, but Tharn took his sweet time. And then they were covering his hands and Tharn’s face was mere centimeters from his and Type could barely breathe. It took everything he had not to lean forward and capture those lips that also belonged to him, but he had a feeling if he tried, Tharn wouldn’t let him. He had that look on his face and Type knew what it meant.

He knew he was in for a long rest of the night.

6. You’ve Got Mail by perthbysaint - ~7800 words, explicit - Type sends Tharn nudes at the most inconvenient times.

A selfie? From Type? Tharn was thanking all of his lucky stars as he happily taps to load the image. The picture loads and Tharn’s phone slips from his suddenly lax grip. Convinced he couldn’t have just seen what he thought he just saw, he picks his phone up hastily and stares very intently at the picture.

It’s a mirror selfie, obviously taken in a changing room, but that thought comes secondary to thighs. Type is holding the camera in front of his face to take the picture, shirt clenched in his other hand and pulled up slightly to show off the shorts. The fucking shorts. He had seen Type in his soccer gear before and yes, Type has most definitely asked for the wrong size and Tharn is more grateful than he’s ever been for anything in his whole life. The shorts are riding up so high they can’t cover more than a few inches of skin, Type’s smooth, powerful thighs on full display. On the inside of his left thigh, there’s a tiny purple mark peeking out from under the bottom of the shorts. Tharn knows exactly what it is because he was the one who left it there just two days ago when he sucked marks into Type’s thighs for a half-hour before he slung Type’s legs over his shoulders and ate him out until Type was sobbing fat tears and begging Tharn to let him come.

7. pet names series by LokelaniRose - ~50,000 words, explicit - A series of post-episode fics that gives us the sex that the show only hinted at, starting with the shower scene.

Tharn prides himself on his self-control. All his passion and intensity is saved for his music, when he’s safely behind a drum kit and can let it all out. He’s never been as irritated by anyone else as he is by Type and all his playground bullying nonsense. Something about the other boy just shakes something loose inside him, rattles at Tharn’s iron discipline until he has to grit his teeth constantly not to just – what? Kiss him? Kill him? Tharn has enough composure (and pride) to put up a front that’s all smiles and wry amusement, but really he regularly skips between one of two daydreams – twisting Type’s head off or fucking him into the ground.

(Tharn is absolutely not going to admit to the third set of daydreams, of curling up around Type when he’s cold or cheering him on at matches or bringing him home to meet Tharn’s father. Nope, no, definitely not.)

2MOONS SERIES

8. ** The universe where we do not commit reckless, unlubricated buttsex by startledoctopus - Forth/Beam - ~8700 words, explicit - This is a great story about Beam giving in and trying to seduce Forth the same way he seduced all of those girls in his past. This Forth is great, and the story retcons their first time to something far more pleasant for Beam.

"We're heading into a unit on disorders of the spine and I need to review my basic skeletal and muscular anatomy. But it feels stupid to keep studying these weird-looking diagrams and drawings." None of this was, strictly speaking, factual, but an engineering major wouldn't know any different. Beam gathered up all his bravado, walked behind Forth, and began rucking up his shirts as if this were completely normal.

"What! I..."

"Shut up, I need to look at a real back so I know what I'll be looking at as a doctor." Forth let him take the shirts off, glancing back at him several times but giving in meekly to Beam's stern look. Forth shuffled the papers some more.

"All right. Okay, um...Ah!" Beam smirked at Forth's reaction as he ran his thumbs down the nape of his neck.

9. Good Things Come To by sweetiejelly - Ming/Kit - ~4300 words, explicit - Kit gets drunk and reveals more of his feelings for Ming than he probably means to.

"Hmm." Kit closes his eyes and leans his head back on the headrest. "Ming, Ming, Ming. Do you know your name's a kiss? I'm kissing the air everytime I say 'Ming'!" Kit pops his mouth and it pops Ming's mind a bit. "And then I think about kissing you. Why do you make me think about you so damn much? You're so annoying, Ming. No one's ever..." and Kit leans to the side, almost like he's going to conk out or throw up, only to straighten back up. "... made me this crazy."

Oh shit. Ming doesn't know what to do with all of this information. He knew somewhere deep down that Kit likes him. Kit's eyes can't lie. Kit's mouth can't either, the cusses coming out whenever he's keyed up and flustered, and then there are his kisses.

10 + 11. ** how to fail flirt your way into his heart (a guide by Kit) and a little conversation (and a little action please) by sweetiejelly - Ming/Kit - ~30,000 words, explicit in the second part - This story makes a tiny plot divergence. It has Kit put a little more effort into finding out if Ming is really into Yo and then from there, it loosely follows the plot of the show with some key differences. I really enjoyed this.

"Can I have your number?" Kit mentally face-palms. Why? Damn Pha. Damn Beam. Just damn everything, ugh. He has never flirted in his life. Pin asked him out, okay? He doesn't know how to do this. "I'm Kit, Phana's friend," he says, trying to make it less weird.

"I'm Ming. And of course, P'Kit!" Ming flashes him an easy grin and holds out his hand.

Oh right, the phone. Kit shoves it at Ming, nearly hitting him in the chest. Great, he's acing this.

Ming smiles at him, bemused or confused, probably both, and brushes his hand, totally unnecessarily, over the back of Kit's hand as he takes the phone. "In case of emergency, right?" Ming looks up at him from under his lashes and boy, this nong is brazen.

12. ** In Control series by LokelaniRose - Ming/Kit - ~27,000 words, explicit - Kit struggles to tell Ming that he wants something other than the careful, gentle sex they’ve been having. Ming discovers that Kit has some anxiety and panic problems. He also discovers what helps him feel better. [spoilers: these two things are connected.] I love how attentive and caring Ming is throughout this series. The anxious Kit also rings true to the character we saw on the show.

But now that Kit is fretting over things, he might as well fret over this as well. So Ming is great in bed. And let’s be honest, Kit probably isn’t. He hasn’t had a hundred previous partners – okay, tiny exaggeration, but still – and doesn’t know all the fancy moves and techniques and tricks…and just like everything else, in bed Ming is somehow casual and sincere at the same time. He never seems to want anything except what Kit wants, is always happy to do whatever, to take his time making slow, gentle love to Kit. Kit knows that he always comes at least – he secretly really likes it when Ming comes, he’s not quite sure why – but what if there’s more that Kit could be doing, to make it better for him? If Kit was better in bed maybe it would make up for being a shitty boyfriend in other areas, one who can’t be nice in public or talk about his feelings.

UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN

13. another nightmare fic by itsmylifekay - Win/Team - ~2300 words, not rated - Team tries to sleep without Win and it doesn’t go well.

Team’s room feels suffocating, the air too thick and the space too dark and the covers sticking to his skin with sweat. His breaths are too loud in the quiet, but the quiet itself is deafening. It reminds him of the water. The muted sounds. The frantic pounding of his heart. (The same one he feels now echoed in his chest.)

Flashes of the dream come back to him unbidden.

Everything is too dark, too bright, no way to see what way is up or what way is down. He’s trapped. Can’t get out. Can’t breathe.

14. ** Different With You by blackrose9212 - Win/Team - ~6900 words, teen - It’s open swim week, which means that the swimming club offers free lessons to any of the students who would like to participate. Team doesn’t understand why his teammates hate it so much - until he does. Great jealousy in this one from both sides.

“Nice to meet you,” the boy gushes. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’d like to join your group. Auntie said there needs to be at least three people, and no one was sitting across from you two. I’ve been paying attention so I already have ideas. Is that okay?” Team watches as he pulls out his books and drops them onto the table, pushing them a little farther out so they’re nearly touching Win’s notebook.

Team shrugs. “Sure, that’s fine. I don’t think Win has been paying attention so I’m glad you have an idea of what’s going on.”

Win hits him lightly at the back of the hand and Film giggles behind his hand. “Oh, no, P’Win looks very smart. I’m sure he’s been listening.” He looks at Win and smiles a little, blushing when Win gives him a smile back.

Team looks between the two of them. Then back at Film, who’s watching Win leaf through his literature textbook like he’s never seen anything so beautiful, and then past Film at the table he left from, where he sees three boys, laughing behind their hands and making cooing faces.

15. seven hundred thirteen by Kiranokira - Win/Team - ~6800 words, mature - Win spends two years abroad in England, and he and Team have to navigate a long distance relationship. It’s very sweet and written very true to life.

“I kind of hoped you were going to show up at the airport tomorrow morning and chase the plane,” Win says. He kisses Team’s hair, lingering there to memorize the fresh, clear scent.

Team says, “Is it weird that I thought about doing that?” and Win feels him smile against his shoulder.

It’s late, nearly nine thirty, and Win had plans of how to spend tonight that can’t be realized anymore. He wanted to invite Team to dinner with his family. He wanted to play video games with Team and View. He wanted to talk about London with Waan and Team. He wanted to include Team in his family’s warmth in some small way, to make him feel less lonely.

He can’t do any of that now but he still wants to sneak Team upstairs and have him in his arms all night. He wouldn’t, but he wants to. It’s been a month since he moved off campus permanently, and weeks since he was last able to spend a night alone with Team.

16. ** You Can Cry by Kiranokira - Win/Team - ~19,600 words, mature - Win goes missing while on vacation with some friends. Team is left at home trying to handle it. I like the way the author built up to the accident happening. They did a good job creating tension and showing us exactly how Team felt about Win. And spoilers, this story has a happy ending.

“You’re going to fail out of university,” Team tells him. “You’re not really going, are you?”

Win rolls onto his side and perches his cheek on his hand. “What if I say yes?” he asks. “Will you miss me?”

Team’s warning look is more venomous than usual. “Not at all,” Team says, and Win smirks because that isn’t true and they both know it. “You still shouldn’t go. What if you miss the flight back? You’ll fail out and I’ll break up with you for being a dumbass.”

The very recent phenomenon of Team acknowledging that they’re a couple has its usual melting effect on Win’s heart.

2GETHER

17. ** Love Songs on Our Skin series by Kari_Kurofai - Sarawat/Tine - ~15,700 words, explicit - A soulmark AU where Tine is born with the notes to a song that hasn’t yet been written wrapped around his chest. I enjoyed how Tine’s obliviousness in the show carries over to this fic.

Only Mr. Chic would have a song no one had ever fucking heard of permanently etched on his chest. For fuck's sake .

Still, he waves it off, and he tries not to look too closely at other people's marks. Tries being the key word. He doesn't envy the elegant watercolors of a guitar pick and an open novel he catches sight of on the wrists of some couple's interlinked hands when he's in town. And he certainly doesn't envy the dude he once saw in a coffee shop with the words " I hate you " scrawled across the back of his neck. But yeah, okay, he might be a little jealous of the people who are lucky enough to have something as simple as their soulmate's name on their skin. That definitely isn't fair.

"Why couldn't it at least have been a Scrubb song?" he asks the mirror as he wipes it clear shower-born condensation. The mirror and him are well acquainted with this conversation by now. In fact, the mirror sees the stupid mark more than anyone, so it might as well put up with his equally stupid questions. "It could have been 'Together.' Just think of it, how romantic it would be to meet some cute girl's eyes after bumping into them at a concert, my favorite song playing . . ." He draws a nail over the winding bars of the music on his chest, frowning. "That would be so much easier."

18. Drown Your Sorrows by HyacinthsSoul - 2gether/Theory of Love - Sarawat and Third meet at a bar and bond over being in love with oblivious men.

“No, he’s an angel,” Sarawat says. “Unfortunately he’s a very stupid, very straight angel.”

“Mine’s stupid too,” the other man admits. “But definitely no angel. I’m Third, by the way,” he adds, offering a slender hand to shake.

“Sarawat,” says Sarawat. “Can I buy you another? I think we’re drinking the same thing, although I can’t remember what it’s called.”

20. ** Your Body Is My Instrument by Kari_Kurofai - Sarawat/Tine - ~12,000 words, explicit - This fic does a good job doing what, in this reccer’s humble opinion, the series failed to: showing Tine attracted to Sarawat. There’s great first time sex and some fun sexual tension. Plus, we get to see them switch off, which is extremely rare in BL. And most importantly: hand kink.

It starts innocently enough. Or, well, innocently enough for a guy whose first words to him were, “Keep looking at me like that and I’ll kiss you till you drop.” So, you know. It starts kinda like that.

They’ve been officially dating for a grand sum total of three days and altogether not that much has changed. Except that Sarawat touches him more now. Normally this would be fine, no big deal, right? But Sarawat has magic, evil hands, and apparently all he has to do is glance Tine’s way to deduce the exact right places and ways to touch Tine to drive him up the fucking wall.

And the worst part is it’s almost never the same place or the same way twice, and the only warning Tine ever gets is that sneaky little glint Sarawat gets in his eyes just before he does it, the bastard.

MY ENGINEER

21. Cool Boy(friend) by HyacinthsSoul - Ram/King - ~22,000 words, explicit - So this is technically a WIP, but each chapter feels like a completed fic without a cliffhanger or anything. This is a very sweet, comfortable story about King and Ram getting to know each other as their relationship develops.

In the selfie King sends, he’s holding up a full shot glass while someone’s arm reaches into the frame to hand him another kind of drink, something tall with a straw and a paper umbrella. Ram frowns. Whose arm is that? The person is wearing a red long-sleeved shirt, which doesn’t match what any of their friend group was wearing, and the engineer bar doesn’t offer table service.

Frowning, Ram looks back through the previous photos until he spots a detail he’d overlooked before: a red-shirted man at a neighboring table. He’s visible in the background of two or three pictures taken by Tee, and in each of them he’s staring intently at King.

Not that it’s any of Ram’s business. Not that he cares.

HISTORY3: TRAPPED

22. it’s too late (to turn back now) by stebeee - Tang Yi/Meng Shao Fei - ~7200 words, general audiences - Canon divergence fic where Tang Yi pushes Shao Fei away after he saves Hong Ye in order to try and protect him. Shao Fei reacts to that about as well as you’d expect.

“Tang Yi, what do you mean-“

“I think you’ve fooled around for long enough,” Tang Yi interrupts, his voice cold, nothing like the man who had dabbed at his lips with a cotton bud last night, the man who had smiled at him when he made the cannon joke.

“You’ve disrupted my life, and the life of my family and friends in the past few weeks, Meng Shao Fei. This has gone for long enough,” he continues, unwavering. “I don’t want to have anything more to do with you. Take a good rest here in the hospital, and I’ll get someone to pack up your things back at the house. Jack will deliver it back to your apartment.”

23 + 24. ** just waiting, waiting (on you) and between you and me by stebeee - Tang Yi/Meng Shao Fei - ~16,000 words, general audiences - These are stories about how Shao Fei and the rest of the gang deal over the years when Tang Yi is in jail. Found family fics are my jam, so I loved this.

The thing is, it’s been almost three months of this. 90 days, give or take. 2,160 hours. 129,600 minutes. And more than 7 million seconds of this — not having Tang Yi at his side.

Shao Fei wonders for a moment if he will ever stop seeing Tang Yi in every corner of the house. When he comes down the stairs in the morning, some part of him expects to see Tang Yi standing at the kitchen island with a bright smile, asking him if he wants jam with his toast that morning. Shao Fei sees Tang Yi in that apron he loves, cooking at the stove when he fixes himself dinner, alone in the spacious kitchen. Seeing Tang Yi’s favourite blue bathrobe, Shao Fei can almost see Tang Yi leaving the bathroom, his hair all wet and falling over his eyes.

25. amuse bouche by sarahyyy - Jack/Zhao Zi - ~2400 words, general audiences - This is more of Jack seducing Zhao Zi through food and attention. So basically an extension of the show. Mother hen Jack is the cutest.

“Jack?” Zhao Zi murmurs blearily. “Why are you here?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?” Jack shoots back, herding Zhao Zi back into the house. He checks for Zhao Zi’s temperature with the back of his hand. “Fever?”

“Just the flu for now, I think?” Zhao Zi says.

Jack purses his lips. “Have you had anything to eat?”

“I had some bread earlier?” Zhao Zi says, but he also looks shifty enough that Jack mostly takes it with a grain of salt.

26. Absolutely Nothing Goes Wrong by anon - Jack/Zhao Zi - ~4500 words, teen - This is an AU where Zhao Zi is the son of a rival mob boss, but he’s still, you know HIMSELF. And when his father says he’s useless, he decides to prove him wrong by seducing Tang Yi’s second-in-command. It’s absolutely adorable.

The man pulled him by the arm, resisting Zhao Zi’s attempts to unhook his claws without causing a scene.

“Hey, stop grabbing me!” he shouted, as the other man played deaf.

“While I admit this is a very loud bar, I didn’t think it was quite so easy to mishear what this young man just yelled straight into your ear,” a newcomer who’d witnessed their conflict said lightly as he walked up to them. His words were accompanied by a wide, almost chilling smile. Zhao Zi blinked once and the odd peculiarity of that smile vanished, leaving just a regular smile in its place. He must’ve just been imagining things under the harsh shadows of the dimly lit bar.

AND +2

Because I’m shameless, I’ll add my own two fics to the end, if you’re interested.

WHY R U?

27. Sorry A Thousand Times - Fighter/Tutor - ~3200 words, explicit - This is a canon divergence for the series finale. I needed more catharsis after the intensity of episode 12.

Tutor narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists at his sides. He took a deep breath. “How many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone before you listen?” he asked. I don’t know how many more times I can bring myself to say it.

“Only once,” Fight said and then added, “if you mean it.”

Tutor crossed his arms over his chest and said, “What makes you think I don’t mean it now?”

The corner of Fight’s mouth turned up and he took a step closer. Tutor stumbled back until he was stopped by his legs hitting the edge of the bed. Fight reached out a hand and gently ran the back of his fingers over the line of Tutor’s jaw.

Until We Meet Again

28. Dream On - Win/Team - 8900 words, explicit - Takes place alongside show canon, so that we see how the bed sharing began and how Win and Team’s relationship developed over that year.

“Do you want to do well tomorrow?” Win asked, throwing one of his legs over both of Team’s.

“Yes,” Team said as he did his best to put some space between them on the tiny mattress.

“Then you need to get some sleep. I’m helping.”

“How is this helping?” Team demanded.

“Would you stop…” Win said, shifting closer every time Team pulled away. “Five minutes, Team. Just be still for five minutes, okay?”

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comfortmarvelimagines · 5 years ago

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when you can’t find the quiet part 6

im baaaaackkkkkk !!!! so so so sorry that this took so long. i can’t put into words the sheer amount of shit that’s happened to me in the past few months. hope this at least partially makes up for it (i know it can’t fully, and im sorry)]

tw for near meltdown, self injurious stimming and use of the r slur

Can you please do an autistic!reader where the decathlon team has an excursion to the tower and the avengers say hi to the reader and peter and co.? then flash gets jealous and does something mean,,, some angst resolved with fluff (preferably by mama nat), if not that’s okay

Most kids loved field trips. Even the boring ones.

Regardless of where it was, a field trip was a break to the mundanity of school. There was increased opportunity for socialising, decreased work demands (no notes to be taken!), and most likely improved lunch options to what the cafeteria typically had to offer. Add on to that the fact that Stark Industries was arguably The Coolest Place on the Planet to the nerds of Midtown and you have a perfect storm of excitement. It seemed that the field trip was all everyone was talking about. Even Peter wouldn’t shut up about how cool it was, despite the fact that he practically lived at the tower.

You came to the conclusion that you were the only kid in the decathlon team that absolutely did not want to go.

Field trips were a change in routine. You didn’t know the exact schedule of when things were happening, or what exactly was going to happen. For all your google street-viewing, there was only so much you could find out about what the place would look like, what was inside, whereabouts your group would be visiting. You didn’t know what the buses there would be like, who you’d sit with, what teachers would be on your bus, how many kids would be in each tour group, what time you’d stop to eat lunch, whether the buses would leave on time when it was over. There were so many unpredictabilities, and no one ever seemed to be able to answer your questions.

Logically, you figured that Stark Industries should be alright, as far as field trips go. You’ve been there before, you know Tony and Nat and Bucky; in theory, you should be okay. You’re okay when you go there after school, and on weekends with Peter. But going there at a different time, to a different part of the building and with more people (including Flash) made you just as anxious as you would be for any other excursion. Which is why you tried everything to get out of it. Started acting ‘sick’ days beforehand, isolating yourself, not talking to anyone, hoping that your absence would be considered a normality by the time the day of the trip rolled around. Only it didn’t work, and you opened the door to an overly bubbly trio of friends bright and early on Wednesday morning.

“Hey Y/n, you excited for the trip?” Ned, unsurprisingly, was bouncing with excitement, topped off with a garishly conspicuous Stark Industries cap. Every inch the tourist.

Every inch the opposite of how you were feeling.

You stood in the doorway at a complete loss. You’d fully intended to stay cooped up in your room all day in your pyjamas, watching random shit on Youtube. The message to the group chat saying that you ‘weren’t feeling well’ was already half composed and ready to send. You’d played the part perfectly, casually mentioning symptoms of illness for days in preparation. But, somehow, you’d made friends with some of the most observant and persistent people you’d ever met. Which for the most part was great, but now it had you wishing the ground would open and swallow you whole.

You didn’t resist much as MJ marched her way over the threshold and started pulling an outfit out of your wardrobe, ushering you into the bathroom to get changed. It wouldn’t have worked. All three of them seemed to know what you were planning on doing and were prepared. By the time you’d thrown on the clothes and haphazardly cleaned yourself up, Peter and Ned had sorted out your backpack with all of the things you used to help deal with the input of bustling New York; noise cancelling headphones, a fidget cube, a bumpy tangle, a squishy dinosaur toy. Seeing as no one would be carrying books or laptops on the excursion, you knew they’d all have smaller bags, but you had your normal sized one. The size and weight and familiarity was comforting. You hoisted it over your shoulders and trudged out the door, dread settled in the depths of your stomach, right hand tapping the side of your thigh.

***

By the time you arrived at Midtown High and saw the charter bus pulling up outside, the tapping had increased to borderline punching. Ned went to grab your wrist to pull it away, but you turned. The ache in your thigh was the only thing keeping you from running, and you couldn’t explain why. Words weren’t working by that point. The bus ride didn’t improve much; even with headphones on, you could still feel the vibration of the engine running through your toes, resonating upwards, and even the highest noise cancelling setting wasn’t enough to drown out your excited teammates and their impatient chatter. Peter had made sure that the four of you got the bench seat at the back of the bus so that you could all sit together, but you were still mad that they’d made you go. Didn’t they get it?

Things didn’t improve upon arrival. The staff member with you on the trip was a substitute, as Mr Harrington had other school commitments on the day, and you’d never met her before. A fact that became an issue when she made you take your headphones off when the tour guide turned up, and confiscated them when you were reluctant (despite your friends’ protestations and frantic attempts and explanation). The tour guide herself was nice enough- you’d seen her in the lobby a few times on your way in and out of the tower- but it wasn’t enough to balance out the chaos of the crowded public space. You made it no further than the elevator before pressing your hands over your ears. Hoodie over your head. Eyes half closed. It felt almost cruel that the sensory room, your safe space, was in the same building yet inaccessible.

Unbeknownst to you, Nat was well aware of the fact that you and Peter were visiting. She’d waited for FRIDAY to announce your presence before heading to the floor she knew the tour would start on, planning to ‘casually’ greet you. She knew about the bullying. She knew about the harassment that Flash gave Peter over the legitimacy of the internship, the deplorable things he’d said to you. And she fully intended to scare the crap out of Flash in the hopes of getting him to leave her kids alone, god damn it. He was the first person she spotted from down the corridor. She knew he was a dick, but nothing could have prepared her for the sight of Flash live streaming. Phone outstretched, voice raised.

God, the ego of this kid.

Your group started moving forwards as she headed towards you. She didn’t say much.

“Hey Pete, hey Y/n”

The look on Flash’s face was priceless.

“Y-you know the retard and friends?”

Nat stared, waiting.

“You mean Penis has a real internship?”

It felt like your guts were fighting to explode out of your body. You pressed your nails into the palms of your hands, in the crease beneath your knuckles. The bluntness of the nails did little to help.

“That’s enough.”

You willed your body to stay still, not stim not scream not run.

“Does this school’s policy tolerate that kind of language?”

“Uhh-”

“Yes or no?”

“I’m only a substitute, I’m not familiar with-”

You pressed the heels of your hands to your ears, fingers still curled. It wasn’t enough to make it quiet.

“Fine. Eugene?”

Don’t want to listen don’t want to listen. Don’t scream don’t stim stay still.

“Expect there to be consequences. I know about the bullying.”

You turned and walked back down the hallway, retracing the way you came in. Your heels dug into the floor and you walked stiffly, awkwardly, elbows locked straight at your sides in attempt to keep yourself from reverting to punching your thighs.

Nat followed.

As she made her way past the group, she discreetly directed the tour guide to carry on. If you did reach the point of a meltdown, which she was hoping you wouldn’t for your sake, she didn’t want an audience.

You were headed towards an R&D lab, full of SI employees, which wasn’t a particularly good option either. She noticed your hands bouncing, slapping your thighs, walking still stiff and jilted, the effort going suppressing everything evident down to the way you breathed. You heard footsteps behind you but didn’t realise they were Nat’s until she called out.

“Y/n”

You skipped a step, but didn’t stop. You just wanted to be alone away from everyone away from the humiliation and the teasing and the bad words and the stupid jokes you just didn’t get but everyone else did.

“Y/n, hun, just stop for me for a second.”

You did as you were told. Your body felt like it was on fire from the tension of being still. You didn’t want Nat thinking you were weird for biting your hand, so you gnawed on your lip instead, hands slightly flapping at your sides in little spinny motions.

“Okay, good job. Do you think we can take a minute to do some breathing?”

You shook your head no. No. You wanted, needed to scream and stim and run not breathe.

“Okay, I should’ve phrased that better,” Nat looked around, seemingly lost, at the ceiling. It was barely a second’s slip of her calm composure. She lowered herself to the floor and sat cross legged.

“Can you sit down with me?”

You let your legs give out, half crashing into the carpet.

“Can you give your hands a shake?” she shook her hands out in front, demonstrating.

You copied. The shake felt good, so you started properly flapping. You weren’t sure when, but at some point all self consciousness fell away and you were rocking back and forth, legs out, tension melting.

Eventually, most of the bad energy felt like it’d left your body, Your flaps turned to light taps on your knees and your rocking was much more relaxed. Now that your breathing had evened out, you were aware of how close you were to hyperventilating before. A wave of gratitude towards Nat washed over you.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” Nat asked cautiously, hand already up halfway to rub your shoulder. You shook your head. It was hard to articulate, but touch right now would probably end in you hitting Nat involuntarily. Even your clothes weren’t feeling too great, like you were hyper aware of every contact point with your skin. You were glad she asked, even though your reaction most likely wouldn’t have hurt her no matter how violent on your part. The constant assumptions and invasions of your space on a daily basis, from everyone from kids at school to medical professionals, got to a point of making you feel almost less than human. That you weren’t worth the respect, triply so if you weren’t verbal. The entire field trip experience, although not all that enjoyable, had shown you a side of Nat you hadn’t seen before. A fiercely protective, quick-witted, almost motherly side. A side that let you know you had a safe landing. A side that gave you the courage to get up off the hallway floor and face the world again.

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photiniainsummer · 4 years ago

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A Little Audience Participation Can Tip the Scales (1/?): The Lede

Genre: GenFic - Action, Mystery, Humor

Rating: Teen and Up

Story Summary: There’s a strange group living at the old Markiplier Manor.

They’re the villains of their tales, they’re looking for information, and they need your help putting Mark’s scattered egos back together to get their lives back.

And stop Mark and the Entity breaking reality.

Small goals.

(Second Person POV, vaguely fem-coded Reader)

Chapter Summary: The one where your cheeky coworker convinces you to check out the old Markiplier Manor with him.

Word Count: 5372

Author's Note: Decided to cross-post from my Ao3! The next three chapters are already up, and I try to post every Tuesday. :3

Interested?

Read on Ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30510852/chapters/75244647

The Lede

You watch amusedly from your desk as Jonah, your coworker-slash-mentor and partner in crime, comes bustling through the door to the reporters’ bullpen. He’s late, as usual, his half-open messenger bag slung across his rumpled self. Scribbled-on papers and even his laptop haphazardly jut out from the bag as he struggles to balance a breakfast sandwich on his thermos. Sometimes, all he had to do was exist to make you nervous. He starts to make his way across to you and your neighboring desks but is intercepted by the resident office mom for what she calls a “good old fashioned talking-to.” She’s always trying to tenderly bully him into being a better example for the junior reporters like yourself, although you have to wonder why she keeps it up despite its clearly limited efficacy. It’s not even that Jonah’s particularly stubborn - he’s just one of those people who, no matter how early he leaves home or how hard he tries, something just so happens to make him late. You can see how it would seem intentional, but you know Jonah’s too honest and, frankly, not creative enough to come up with the plethora of scenarios that conspire against him. You’ve just learned to tell Jonah to show up at least half an hour before you actually want him to.

Eleanor, however, is committed to whipping Jonah into shape. In the midst of her chiding, Jonah catches your gaze and pulls an awful face, startling a laugh out of you. Eleanor, of course, seizes on this and switches to berating him about listening when spoken to as you try to pull your attention back to scanning the morning news. He really knows how to dig himself in deeper, you think, chewing your lip to keep from laughing at the memory of his terrible expression.

“Don’t even start,” Jonah grumbles when he finally extracts himself from Eleanor’s chastising, sliding into his desk across from you. “You heard it, she already ran the full gamut this morning.” You give him your best shocked look.

“Who, me? No idea what you’re talking about,” you reply coolly, punctuating your tease by exaggeratedly returning to your work and clattering at your keyboard. “I was just going to ask how your morning went.” Jonah groans, but his lips tug upward in his typical crooked smile. At least he’d managed to shave without cutting himself this morning, you note.

“Ugh. Just because you were born able to wake up five minutes before your alarm doesn’t mean the rest of us were. Besides, I was up listening to the scanner.” Now it’s your turn to groan.

“That thing again? It’s barely legal for you to have one here, even Walker said as much.” Your boss and head editor had given Jonah his patented disapproving brow-furrow and pressed-lip combo when it had come up in conversation, but he hadn’t explicitly told the crime reporter to get rid of it, either. Jonah argued it kept him ahead of the curve on his beat, but with as many connections as he had, you suspected he used it more for the thrill of it than bettering his job performance. “What was so interesting last night, anyway? Any high-speed chases?”

“Not in our limits, unfortunately.” Jonah chuckles at your unamused expression, popping the lid on his thermos. “Kidding, come on. No, it was quiet last night, except… well.” He pauses, something changing in his expression. It’s enough to pull your attention away from your inbox. Jonah’s a goofball, but he’s a damn good reporter with a mind like a whip. He has to be, to be head of the crime division. So you take it seriously when he casts his eyes around the office before leaning in conspiratorially. His voice is hushed as he murmurs to you. “Someone called in that they saw a suspicious person skulking around the old Markiplier Manor.”

You immediately lose interest. That was news to him? The Manor had been abandoned as long as you had been alive, long since off the market after being passed from renovator to developer for most of its nearing-hundred year existence. Even with calls for it to be turned into some kind of museum, it had never been able to shake its grisly past or tendency for the strange. You’d heard the stories of the few historic maintenance crews dealing with randomly exploding lightbulbs and eerie spectres, disembodied voices and footsteps - but that’s all they were, stories. Stories from a creepy, old, run-down house on the edge of town. It was a hotspot for teenagers wanting to prove their guts - hell, you had even gone with a couple of friends back in high school, although you had been busted by a roving patrol car. You sigh at the memory of just how badly your mom had berated you about breaking curfew and fix Jonah with a disappointed look. He was immature at the worst of times, but you thought he’d at least be able to tell a lead from normal shenanigans. “That was exciting enough to make you late for the third time this week? You’re supposed to be a senior reporter around here, you know.” Jonah huffs, leaning forward on his desk and closer to you. He seems intent, despite your skepticism.

“Well, if you’d let me finish explaining, then you might know why such an on-time and dedicated individual such as yours truly would have let the time slip away from him,” he replies, sarcasm curling his tone. A quip rises on your tongue that he was the one drawing it out so much, but Jonah has a certain glint in his eyes. Something had his attention. You finally turn from your computer monitor and to face him, only slightly exasperated.

“Okay, okay. Listening.”

The man grins slightly and shifts his weight further forward on his elbows, keeping his voice down as he continues. “All right, so, PD gets this call from a neighbor that they saw someone wandering around on the property, yeah? They send an officer to check it out - of course, nobody’s around by the time he shows up. But the weird thing is… they found all the lights on inside.”

You blink, sure you missed something. “Like. Shop lights, right? There’s some construction crew working on it, or… they called in an appraiser and they forgot to turn them off.” Jonah shakes his head.

“Nope. Light fixtures. Every single one with a bulb in was blazing. And no crews or anything, I called the agency that owns the place. The last pro they had in there was over four years ago. There’s a security guard that checks it out regularly, but the power’s been off for years.”

You furrow your brow and sit in thoughtful silence for a moment, hunched and staring at your desk as you puzzle over the details. Jonah watches you intently while you think, taking the chance to work on his massive thermos of coffee, so strong you could smell it across your desks. He’d done this since you’d joined the paper, assuming the role of your mentor, at least informally. He would offer you the details of a story or curious anecdote that he’d started with and watch your mind run. You had always appreciated the exercise - it kept you sharp in dealing with local politics and its various mealy-mouthed players - and he appreciated getting a second pair of eyes on the issue at hand. Sometimes you picked up on things he hadn’t, ran rabbits he might not have. Working the inside of your cheek between your teeth, you roll the details over in your mind, hunting for another explanation as Jonah hunted for the bottom of his thermos. Something didn’t sit right with you about the details, but what?

Suddenly, you land on it, sitting up suddenly and turning to Jonah, who lifts his eyebrows at you. “The neighbor that made the call, did they mention the lights, or just someone wandering around outside?” His face breaks into a pleased smile, eyes dancing with the curiosity of the problem before the two of you.

“Nice catch. They didn’t mention the lights at all, just the trespasser.”

“So the lights got turned on between the neighbor making the call and the officer showing up.” Jonah’s smile turns into a real grin, cheeks split with it.

“Exactly. But why?” The other reporter leans back in his chair with a sigh. “That’s what kept me up, and made me late. Again.” He sips his coffee idly. “And it’s why I’m going to check it out for myself tonight.”

“What?” Jonah jumps in his chair with the volume of your exclaimation, quickly shushing you as he looks around in a panic. He can’t be serious, you think, but lower your voice. What is he being so low-key about? “No, Jonah, you absolutely can not go poking around some abandoned house.” He settles somewhat, content that nobody cast a glance your way after your outburst. Most of your colleagues are already out on assignments, anyway, given the later hour. But he’s determined, unfazed by your forbiddance.

“And why not? I’m just following a lead.” You open your mouth to protest further, but he interrupts. “Oh, come on, you aren’t a little curious to see what’s going on? What’s the harm, the cops just checked it out, it’s totally safe.” That gleeful glint is back in his eyes. How it thrills and infuriates you in equal measure.

“Seriously? Someone could be squatting there, and the cops just didn’t find them. Someone tapping a neighbor’s powerline and clearly not in their right mind, if they’re turning every light on in the place. Besides, even if it is empty, they could have a patrol posted on it now.” Jonah’s excitement begins to fade in the face of your barrage of facts. “If that agency still owns it, then it’s private, posted property, and you’d be actively breaking the law.” He sucks his teeth and slumps back in his chair, somewhat defeated.

“You’re no fun. Where’s your reporter’s spirit, your drive!” You turn back to your computer, shaking your head as you try to refocus on catching up with your inbox.

“Getting arrested for trespassing and/or breaking and entering isn’t ‘reporter’s spirit,’ Jo. You’re not Nancy Drew, you can’t just start poking your nose around abandoned buildings. It’s not safe.”

Jonah pauses for a moment, then gets an annoyingly knowing grin on his face. He leans forward again, good humor returning. “Ohhhh, so you’re scared is what I’m hearing.”

You huff in exasperation. “Literally how is that the conclusion you’re drawing from what I just said? I told you--”

“You’re the one who said ‘safe’! That means you think it might be dangerous and you’re scared.”

“Yeah, for your job and general well-being. Seriously, Jonah, I’m not scared of some abandoned house. Just because a couple of people happened to get murdered there--”

“Ah ah ah, they only found one body. The Mayor and the District Attorney were missing, assumed dead. Same for the killer.”

“Okay, Mr. Nitpicky. You you that’s even less scary, right? But, regardless, none of that makes the place inherently dangerous or scary. Hospitals aren’t scary, at least not like that, and people die there all the time.”

Jonah doesn’t immediately reply, giving you the opportunity to hammer out a reply to a scheduling issue and push your lunch meeting with the Senator back an hour. How did her assistant manage to double book her? you wonder as your reply zooms off. When you get the chance to look back to your coworker, he has a wry, sneaky little smile on his face. “What?”

“Methinks the lady doth protest too much.” You shake your head. He really isn’t giving this up. “Fine, if you’re soooo not scared, then I dare you to come check it out with me tonight.”

“Absolutely not, did you forget about the illegal part? We aren’t kids, this isn’t just messing around after school. It could look bad for the paper, and you know Walker as well as I do - there’s no second chances.”

Jonah pauses. Mulling over your words, the threat of being fired. Then, “I’ll buy you dinner from that new Japanese place uptown.”

Visions of high-end sushi dance enticingly in your mind. Your stomach threatens to growl, with it being the end of the month and your bank account looking dismally light. Jonah always knows how to hook you, damn him. It doesn’t help that you knew from that look on his face that he knew you were already burning up inside with curiosity. The two of you were peas in a pod, and he had seen that since your first day at the paper. It was exactly why he’d gotten you set up as his desk neighbor, why he’d taken it upon himself to play mentor for you, probably why he was telling you any of this in the first place, despite how low-profile he clearly wanted to stay. You were going to be at that Manor tonight as soon as Jonah had heard the cop call in over the scanner. You sigh quietly through your nose, letting the decision sink in before you make it official.

“Fine. What time?” you ask, not looking away from your screen. Despite trying to ignore him, you could still see Jonah’s joyous fist-pump out of the corner of your eye.

What’s the harm in a little urban exploring, anyway? At least I’ll be there to keep Jonah from going too far with it, you muse to yourself, already planning your celebratory dinner.

What’s the worst that could happen?

---

Even after three years of working closely with Jonah Scott, you still managed to underestimate just how late he could be. You had agreed to meet at the foot of the Manor’s drive at Jonah-time 5:30, 6 sharp for normal people. However, it’s already pushing half-past with no apology text or update to speak of from the crime reporter. Wasn’t this his stupid plan? you mentally grumble, fruitlessly checking your phone again. At this point, your text conversation was fully one-sided, your messages over the last thirty-ish minutes taking up the entirety of your screen. With a defeated sigh, you flick the app shut and slide over to your ridesharing app. There doesn’t seem to be any reason to stick around, and with the sun setting quickly, like hell you’re going to willingly hang around the abandoned Manor longer than you have to.

As you scan available drivers, you consider just how to make Jonah pay for standing you up. You mentally upgrade your promised sushi meal straight into a sushi boat, and although you know you don’t have the heart to commit to such an egregious attack on his wallet, the thought brings a smile to your face. At the very least, you decide to charge him the cost of your rides to and from the massive property - the place is barely in the city limits, not to mention situated up a long road that only led into an almost equally long driveway. Your already light bank account was begging for mercy as you select a nearby driver. Of course it was surge pricing, to boot. The estimated ride cost is enough to make you pause and hope beyond hope that Jonah and his old jalopy were right around the corner. Maybe his phone had just died. Or maybe he was being a particularly safe driver and ignoring his texts. You decide to give it another couple of minutes, if just to make sure you had no other option but to pay through the nose for a ride home. With a sigh, you turn back towards the Manor itself, its exposed-rock exterior catching the burning sunset.

It doesn’t even look that creepy. Really, with the warmth of the setting sun, it almost looks inhabited, just in limbo between relying on daylight and its residents needing to turn the lights on for the evening. The grounds are well-maintained, too, likely thanks to a strict HOA. You figure that if neighbors are paying enough attention to report people wandering around the property despite how spaced out the houses are here, there’s likely a resident weed-measurer who complains as soon as the yard breaches an acceptable length.

That being said, the building itself barely looks like a home. Although you had brushed up on its appearance and floorplan online, images couldn’t prepare you for just how much it really looks like a castle. You knew its creator, Mark Iplier, had been a fabulously wealthy actor back in the day, building his first house to match, but good lord. There’s still such a thing as too much. It has turrets, for crying out loud. Not to mention Google Earth showed that the massive patio that wrapped around practically the entirety of the backside of the building was home to some kind of natural waterfall-looking pool and a life-sized chessboard. It had been impressive online, but in real life, the place is enormous to the point of ridiculousness.

I guess it matches its creator, then, you muse, considering what you had gleaned from a scan of a few biographical entries earlier in the day. He was a local legend, to be sure, but you had never learned more about him than surface stuff and the details of the murder case that had basically ended his career. Before all that, though, Mark had been the embodiment of every stereotype you could muster about early 20th century new-money creatives -- massive personalities with a penchant for equally massive parties. As beloved as he had been on stage and film, he’d been even more so in social circles, known for all-night ragers with massive multisection big bands, ample liquor even in the height of Prohibition, and occasionally the exotic animal or two. Famously, Mark had once arrived at a costume party on the back of an elephant, led by four retainers and dressed like a prince, swathed in silks.

In that context, the house seemed to make a bit more sense, although it had clearly seen better days. The paint on wrought-iron fence surrounding the grounds needs a fresh coat, peeled off in places; you can see a few shutters hanging lopsidedly from their hinges. It’s almost sad, the longer you look at it, especially knowing the revelry it had once hosted. Mark’s own life mirrored the place, as cliche as it was. After the incident, Mark never seemed able to recover. Even the few pictures you had found of him afterwards looked different - he seemed thinner, his eyes haunted, his smile forced. He’d appeared in a handful of films after the fact, but something had changed in him, and he ended up becoming somewhat of a recluse until his death. It was horribly tragic, really. Just trying to put yourself in his shoes had your throat tightening up a bit. Your childhood friend goes off the deep end and goes on a rampage out of nowhere with the rest of your closest friends as casualties - a freak incident right as you’re hitting your stride--

Suddenly, your phone breaks out into its ringtone, startling you out of your empathetic wallowing. You fumble the device in your hand just to keep a grip on it, cursing as you manage to maintain your hold. You check the screen - a local number, but you don’t recognize it. You answer anyway, crossing your fingers it’s not just a spoof call. “Hello?”

Jonah’s voice crackles through on the other end. “Kid! Hey, I’m so sorry-”

“You better have a damn good explanation lined up, Scott,” you snap, interrupting. “Where the hell are you?”

“God, I know, I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to get home for the last hour to call you. My car practically blew up in my face on my way home from work, and it must have been something electrical because my phone was connected and charging and got totally fried. It was kind of working for a second, but I just had to give up and come home in a taxi. I’m having to use an emergency landline, I can’t believe the damn thing even works.” The annoyance drains from your body, his tone so disappointed and clearly stressed that you can’t keep a hold on your frustration.

“Oh, Jo. I’m sorry. Are you okay, though? It didn’t shock you or anything, right?”

“No, thank god, no hospital bills on top of everything else. Look, I’m really sorry. Are you still out there?”

“Yeah, I was just about to get a ride home when you called.”

“Oh, awesome, so have you gone in?!” You scoff out of reflex, stunned at his emotional 180. If he was here, you’d give him a good pop on the head.

“What? No, Jonah, of course I didn’t go in! This was your plan, I was waiting on you to roll your goofy ass up this stupid hill. You’re lucky this place is out of the way, I bet the neighborhood association would have called the cops on me by now if the houses were any closer,” you grump down the line. Jonah’s laugh crackles on the other end.

“Lucky’s my middle name, especially today, right? Look, I know I already owe you big, but can’t you just slip in and take a look around? Like hell I’m gonna be able to afford getting a ride out there any time soon, and you’re already there… Just see if the door’s unlocked or something, look in some windows?” He’s really begging, now, and his tone melts your resolve. How does he do that every time? You sigh heavily, crossing your arms and peering up at the manor. Its large, dark windows stand out against the lighter stone as the sunlight truly begins to fade. They feel like eyes, looking down at you from the top of the hill. It sends a shiver up your spine.

“Jonah, you know I value you as a dear friend and colleague, but... Fine, look, this place is creepy, I admit it, I’m a chicken, I’m scared of the creepy murder house, can’t we just come back some other time when we’re a we and not just a me?” Although your rushed confession is half joking, it’s obvious Jonah isn’t fully engaged. He only gives a short laugh in response before you hear him shift the phone a bit, pausing. Thinking. It feels like an age before he speaks again, the crickets beginning their evening song in the interim.

Then, “Look, Vivian, I. I haven’t been straight-up with you. Yeah, the scanner was going off last night, but the truth is I’ve... been thinking about that place for months. Remember that puff piece about Mark, the retrospective Devontae put up a couple months ago?”

You shift your weight, turning away from the manor and its looming walls to focus on your friend’s voice. His tone had seriously shifted. This is Real Talk time. “Yeah, sure. The board killed it. It was weird, especially since it was his death-iversary, right? But… I dunno, Jo, that’s not enough to--”

“I talked with my friends at the Star, their board nixed a retrospective, too. So did the Inquirer, the Daily, and the Herald. Not to mention anything having to do with Mark for at least the last couple of years. I checked Walker’s record cabinet, too. Anything mentioning Mark, that night, his life after… hell, even the Manor, everything is heavily edited. Anything even adjacently referencing his existence is lucky if his name doesn’t get cut.”

You draw up short. A bit of concrete is loose underneath your feet, rocking slightly with you as you shift your weight from foot to foot. What is he getting at? “I mean. Yeah, okay, that’s pretty weird, but maybe… I dunno, maybe the board doesn’t want to bring up a dark moment like that, or more likely, they don’t wanna openly admit the town hasn’t been able to get their shit together about the Manor and make it into something other than an eyesore all this time later. You know at least half of them take board work as their victory lap after a glorious public service career,” you offer, laying it on thick. Jonah hums, considering it.

“Could be. But still, kind of a personal bent for an editorial board to take, no? Even for them. And it’s not just our board, it’s consistent across the papers.”

“But nothing that awful happened to warrant this. I mean, sure, his buddy killed a detective and presumably a couple of friends in his house, that’s sad, but… Mark wasn’t involved. He didn’t do anything, at least, nothing bad enough to make everyone decide it’d be better if he just didn’t exist.”

“Nothing that we know about,” he offers, quieter. Your blood chills.

“...you think something else happened? Something worse?” Jonah is silent for a moment. His next words are careful.

“Maybe. I don’t know. But I think what happened at the Manor has more to do with Mark than he wanted people to think, more than reports let on. And that, whatever really happened, it’s something bad enough that even now, this long after everything and even him passing over two decades ago, someone’s keen to keep it covered up.”

You’re quiet, mind reeling. You were a local, you knew as well as anyone that all of this stuff is treated more like an urban legend than true local history. It’s almost larger than life, at this point; you had heard the story told and retold a thousand times over until the telling itself was smooth and simple. Mark, fresh off a successful play’s run, had invited over his old university buddies for a night of good old fashioned revelry and reconciliation after years of petty disagreements had crescendoed with his wife cheating on him with his oldest friend, the Colonel WIlliam J. Barnum. However, little was resolved, and adding alcohol to the mix turned out to be deadly. Tensions between the group came to a head the next day, and the Colonel snapped. His rampage ended in the death of the city’s leading detective and, presumably, two of the original group’s members, although their bodies were never found, seemingly dumped in the woods behind the Manor. The Colonel’s attempt to cover up his crime left the others a chance to escape and alert the police, but the killer, too, disappeared, and was never heard from again.

It feels like a well-worn path in your mind. Nobody ever questioned Mark’s innocence in everything - it was assumed. He had just been there, equally terrorized by the killer as the other victims. But exact details had never emerged to the public, and Mark had been reticent to ever speak of things. The missing guests, too, were just so easily presumed dead at the hands of their friend, their mysterious disappearances more like eerie window-dressing on a ghost story than a suspicious hole in an otherwise tightly-woven story.

Maybe not so tightly, since now that you can see the holes, it’s hard to ignore them.

The tender inside of your cheek aches from your teeth worrying it, bitten raw. You swallow your thoughts for a moment, trying to return to the conversation. Jonah’s been equally quiet, letting you puzzle. “...and you think the Manor has some clue to that? To what might have… really happened?”

“...that’s my working theory. Mark left the place so quickly after everything, it’s still full of his stuff. He didn’t want anything to do with it, wanted to start fresh. Technically, the local historical society owns it all, now, but you know what their funding is like, so it’s all just sitting around. I figure, in his rush, he left something behind that can give us an idea of what we’re missing. Besides, reports of weird stuff happening there has been on an uptick.” You suck your teeth, feeling some of the edge of the conspiracy theory-laiden tension fade.

“Massive media blackout, I can run with. But, what, you think there are ghosts that have something to do with it?”

Jonah groans. “I never said ghosts, specifically, but… come on, kid, you have to admit it’s weird.”

“It’s practically a hundred-year old house, of course it’s weird - the wires are probably all way out of code and nobody’s been in the place in ages.”

“Okay, okay, maybe it’s a stretch,” he admits, retreating from the point. “I’m just looking for patterns. We don’t have a lot to go on, in terms of hard information. Which is why getting in there is so important.” He’s turning toward pleading again. “Please, kid, it’d mean the damn world to me if you’d just take a look around. I’ve got no idea when I’ll be able to get out there myself. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate.” You know he wouldn’t, he’s always been considerate of your time and comfort. Really, Jonah is one of the best friends you’ve had, coworker element aside. It makes it horribly hard to say no to him. Which is why whatever reservations you’re still holding on to cave in the face of his honesty.

“...okay. I’ll go poke around. But you seriously, seriously owe me for this one.” You can practically hear Jonah smile on the other end.

“Seriously, I do. Thank you, kid, honestly.” He sounds relieved, taking a steadying breath. Was he really so worried you’d say no? “And take pictures if you see anything!” he quickly adds.

“Only if you call the cops if I don’t call you back in an hour. If there’s someone in there, Jonah, I--”

“Hey, hey, I promise. I’ll stay right by the phone. Cross my heart.”

You sigh quietly to yourself. “All right, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye, kid, and seriously. Thank you.” He sounds painfully sincere. You can’t summon up the spite to gripe at him anymore, so you let yourself be equally honest.

“I’ve got you, Jo. You know that.”

“Yeah. I know. Okay, I’m gonna let you go. Just be careful.”

“I will be.”

Then the line goes dead and your phone beeps dully before returning to your ridesharing app. You stare at it for a second, before you swipe up and close the app completely. No way you were going to chicken out now. Apart from Jonah’s confession, your mind was on fire. Sure, you could go home and just apologize to Jonah, but you know you’d be awake all night, tossing and trying to turn over the truth thanks to your limited information but unlimited curiosity. It wasn’t just his skepticism polluting your mind, either, there was definitely something missing from the narrative. Almost like the incident was too well-put-together, the reports from back then too careful with their words, what they didn’t say. Real crimes were messy because people were messy - their memories faulty, their behavior unpredictable and sloppy, even more so when under duress. But everything about the case and its retelling was clean. Neat.

It might as well have been wrapped up with a bow.

With nothing else between you and the Manor besides the peeling gate, you turn back to face its imposing exterior. Although the house had glowed softly in the setting sun, the rock reflecting the light so warmly, it had faded to a soft gray in the twilight. The windows are obviously dark and empty, now, their size exaggerated by the deepening of shadows as the sun slipped behind the horizon. You stare up at them, watching them back through the locked front gate from your tottering bit of pavement. You take another breath in, out. Then you square your shoulders and step up to the gate.

“It’s just a creepy old house,” you mutter, worming yourself between the wide bars. “Nobody inside, just a weird… big house. ” Nonetheless, a shiver goes down your spine when you’re through and the lawn stretches out before you and up to the front door. You crane your neck towards the nearest neighbor, but their windows were dark, too.

So why does it feel like someone’s watching you?

#markiplier fanfiction #markiplier egos #markiplier lore #actor!mark #actor mark #darkiplier #wilford warfstache #who killed markiplier #mad market pliers ramblings

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